Dating Tips: Flirting is a healthy and fun way to approach someone

Are you in need of dating tips to help you grab that ’special someone’ or perhaps you just need a little extra confidence when approaching the opposite sex. Well there is one little nugget of advice that many dating books overlook and that is about the benefits of flirting.

Besides just being a fun and innocent way of addressing a person you are attracted to, flirting can also be an effective method for getting to know a person. But many men and women are not sure how to flirt or what exactly they should be getting out of the act of flirting.

We couldn’t possibly cover all of the different aspects of how to flirt here in this article, but fortunately we do have three simple tips for you to learn from below:

1. First of all, the fastest way to a person’s heart is to find something about the person that you truly like and appreciate, then simply compliment them on it. It could be the clothes they wear or the way they talk. Perhaps it is the way they do their job that attracts you, or how they treat other people. Whatever it is, compliment the person on it.

2. Another way to effectively flirt is to listen to the person. Get her to talk about something that she is very passionate about and then sit back and listen attentively. People just love it when you are into their discussion. In fact, the most powerful aphrodisiac is having your undivided attention.

3. Let’s not forget the simplest way to flirt: smiling. Putting on a big smile has been known to communicate many men and women of another person’s interest. But be careful, you do not want to give the wrong message to a person you are not interested in, so tone those smiles down to a professional but friendly level if you are not “flirting”!

So what are the benefits of flirting? Believe it or not, you can derive many benefits from flirting. Here are a few such positive ways that flirting can help benefit your life. For one thing, flirting can give your ego a nice boost by easing loneliness. This enables you to interact and meet other people. Also, flirting can in turn help you make new friends. And last but not least, flirting can help you build self confidence.

Popularity: 20% [?]

Four Ways To Improve Your Voice Quality and Tone

The way in which a person speaks can contribute either positively or negatively to a perception of magnetism. Often, more significance is attached to the way something is said than to what is actually being said. A forceful voice, which includes a consistent tone without vocalized pauses, connotes power, control, and confidence, thus contributing to a perception of magnetism. On the other hand, a whispery, wimpy voice detracts from a person sounding confident and being able to take charge to influence others. Avoiding an annoying voice quality can have a positive impact on others.

One research surveyed a nationwide sample of 1,000 men and women, and asked the question, “Which irritating or unpleasant voice annoys you the most?” The answer was a whining, complaining, or nagging tone. The same research concluded that we are judged by the way we sound and that careers can be damaged by an unpleasant voice. People judge our intelligence much more by how we sound than how we dress. However, the conclusion that voice quality contributes to or detracts from magnetism does not imply that there is no room for individuality in this dimension. A nice, pleasant and magnetic voice can encompass a wide range of regional accents, such as the former business executive and Reform Party presidential candidate H. Ross Perot and financier Donald Trump.

The following are techniques that you can practice on your own to improve your voice quality:

1. Listen to your voice on either a tape cassette, videocassette, or voicemail system. Keep repeating the same message until you are satisfied that you sound like a confident and magnetic person.
2. While listening to your voice, search for common voice problems such as a monotonous tone, squeakiness, an accent that is too thick or tendencies to mumble or to talk too fast.
3. Several times per week visualize yourself speaking to work associates and practice using the voice quality you think will convey the impression that you are personally magnetic.
4. Consult a speech therapist or coach to help identify any facets of your voice that detract from your image.

Changing the quality of your voice dramatically would take years because one’s voice is composed of so many ingrained, long- term habits. Though, just by modifying a few of your worst habits you might be able to make noticeable improvements. For example, by learning to exaggerate your lip movements you could substantially reduce that mumbling quality that has been driving your friends crazy for years.

Popularity: 30% [?]

Remembering Speeches

Probably the worst mistake you can make is to try to memorize a speech word for word. First of all, it isn’t really necessary. The assumption is that if you’ve been asked to deliver a speech on a particular subject, you know something about that subject. Secondly, memorizing the speech word for word will make it sound that way when you deliver it—memorized. And, finally, when you memorize a speech word for word, you’re taking the chance of fumbling over one word you can’t remember.

Reading a speech doesn’t work either, because you want to hold the group’s attention, and reading to them is likely to put them to sleep. Even if you occasionally look up at your audience as you read, it won’t help much.

The best way to deliver a speech is to talk it in your own words, thought for thought. A speech is a sequence of thoughts; if the thoughts are out of sequence, the speech won’t make much sense. First, write out or type your speech, including all the things you want to say about all the ideas you think are important. Read it over to get the gist of it. Now for that “other idea”: Select a Key Word from each thought that will remind you of the entire thought.

This is easier to do than it might seem. There is rarely a thought, whether it is to be expressed in one sentence or two paragraphs, that cannot be brought to mind by one word or phrase. It is these Key Words (or Key Thoughts) that you Link - at which point you have the speech memorized thought for thought.

Popularity: 33% [?]

Traditional marriages vs. equal marriages: What is the difference?

There is little doubt that you have heard the term “traditional marriage” usually spoken by your parents or their friends. While a traditional marriage may mean something different to each person, the general sense of the term is when one party usually works to support the family (typically the man) and the other party stays at home, cleans, and takes care of the children (typically the women). But in today’s world we have less of a “traditional” marriage and more of an “equal” marriage.

What is an equal marriage? Equal marriage is not exactly the opposite of traditional marriage, but it is indeed very different. Both partners work outside of the home and expect each other to put in an equal amount of energy when it comes to the house and the children. In equal marriages all of the money is considered to be “our money”. Both partners have the same control over the funds, even if they have separate checking accounts. From one month to another either person may be contributing more than the other in taking care of expenses, but there is no tab being kept and nothing owed from one to another. Who pays more doesn’t make a difference, because the money is entirely “our money”, as stated above.

All decisions on what items to buy, how much is to be spent, and when to purchase them are all mutual decisions, with the husband and wife both holding equal power to make them. Decisions on how much debt to carry is also mutual. Both the husband and wife are free to buy all of the little things they wish, but neither would buy a larger-size item (a larger and more expensive purchase) without discussing it with each other.

Money isn’t the only thing that is considered equal. Household chores and related items are also equal. It can be divided in any way, and how it is divided may be changed over time, but whichever way the split goes, neither partner feels like they are doing more than the other. However, there are often conflicts that do come along, about who is doing more in terms of “quality”.

When it is time for children to come along, neither the husband or the wife automatically gets the role of primary caretaker. Since neither partner’s job is considered more important than the other’s (in most cases) then each of them is expected to change whatever is necessary with their work schedules to contribute the best way possible. However, it is not uncommon for these decisions to be hard to make. Even in a marriage that has their roles well established, it can be hard to determine who is to cut back on what, when it comes to tending to the children.

Popularity: 10% [?]

When Your Husband Cheats: Why It’s Better To Choose Acceptance Over Revenge

When somebody deliberately wrongs you, it’s not unusual to want to inflict on him the pain he inflicted on you. But you should remind yourself that what usually brings lasting satisfaction is not hurting someone but having your own hurt understood and validated. And that’s unlikely to come from a recalcitrant offender, no matter how brutally you punish him.

Retribution is also bound to provoke the offender and set up an endless cycle of reprisals and counter-reprisals, with escalating bitterness and violence. Your mind is likely to become a battleground, overrun with fruitless fantasies of revenge that block you from living your life in ways that generate pleasure or meaning.

With acceptance, you learn to let go of this reflexive white rage - this blind need to wound or get even. You realize that though revenge may give voice to your pain, it will not douse your inflamed thoughts or feelings, or restore your place in the world. In the end, you’ll find that your wound remains unhealed, and that stoking your anger has brought neither peace nor resolution.

The goal of revenge is to crucify the offender. The goal of acceptance is to resurrect your best self. Revenge is other-directed; acceptance is inner-directed. When you contain your obsessions, the offender becomes less important to you than you are to you. Getting back or getting even becomes less important than getting well.

Keep in mind that when you accept someone, you don’t necessarily relinquish your need for justice or just punishment. Deciding to accept a partner who cheated on you or divorced you for your best friend doesn’t stop you from seeking legal recourse - hiring a competent attorney and going for the best financial and child custody settlement you can get.

Acceptance doesn’t demand that you seek justice or restitution, but it doesn’t preclude those options either. In the final analysis, the critical issue is not whether the offender gets his due but whether you free yourself from your emotional dependence on him and move beyond his transgression.

If you are feeling vengeful and may want to settle scores, we recommend that you first ask yourself:

1. In the end, what am I after? Do I want the offender to feel my pain? If I hurt him back, how will I benefit? Are there ways other than retribution that will get me what I want?

2. Ultimately, does it matter what happens to this person who violated me, so long as I restore my self-esteem and my capacity to live a good life? What response will best help me recapture my dignity, my self-respect, my sense of control over the world?

3. If he refuses to acknowledge my pain, where else can I go for comfort and support?

Popularity: 9% [?]

The Eight Energies

In the late nineties I developed a program called the Amazing Momentum Generator with my then business partner, Jeffrey D. Brown.

Jeff and I identified what we called the “Seven Synergies” - the seven key areas of life that define its overall quality. Most programs focus on individual areas of life as though they have little to no effect on the others. Jeff and I saw something different; that each area is interrelated and dependent on the others - there’s a synergy. And also that there is a necessary foundation, a hierarchy, that needs to be developed to move forward with optimal success.

Here are the “Seven Synergies” - or the “Eight Energies” as I now call them.

1. Spiritual
2. Emotions and Intellect
3. Health and Fitness
4. Environment
5. Relationships
6. Recreation
7. Career
8. Finances

I’ll write more about each in the future, but what I want to share today is a new insight - and an experiment I’m going to put into action soon.

Most of us enjoy 16 hours of waking time in a day. How is your time divided up into each of the 8 categories above.

It seems logical that an ideally balanced life would devote 2 hours per day to each of the 8 areas; but the reality is that most of our time is spent in a few of the categories - and no time is spent in some (and those some may be the most important places for time to be spent).

I have reached a level of financial success in my life that many would envy. The cost has been spending most of my time in the “Career” category (and you’ll notice that I distinguish between career and finances because most people use career as a way of making money, but it doesn’t have to be that way once you see beyond the “employee mentality”).

Since money is the measuring card and we’ll assume that all of my money comes from career activities, what if I only worked 2 hours per day? At first glance, that doesn’t sound like enough - but how many hours of your work day are TRULY productive?

About 2?

What financial impact would there be if I spent more time improving my environment? What financial impact would there be if I worked to develop relationships for 2 hours per day? Those could be business relationships and personal - I’ll admit that on the average day I spend nowhere near 2 hours focused on DEVELOPING relationships. What if I spent 2 hours per day working on my health and fitness? My emotions and intellect? My spiritual base?

To some, this sounds crazy, I’m sure - but, each of these areas feeds the other areas and if one or two (or three, four or five) of these areas are incomplete and ignored than it’s like an 8-cylinder engine running on 3 cylinders. The result is a lot of miss firing and the vehicle (me) is nowhere near optimal efficiency.

So, my friend, give this some thought. I’ll keep you posted and let you know how it’s going for me.

All the best to you, John

Popularity: 33% [?]

The Need to Listen Better

All of us have said and have had wrongful thoughts during the heat of the moment. We’ve lashed out at our parents, our loved ones, and those at work. And I’m sure most of us regret what we may have said and the pain our actions and words may have caused. With the exception of those who are truly mentally ill, I don’t believe any of us want to hurt others or carry feelings of animosity, but for some of us, particularly those who have experienced difficulty, especially if we feel we have been wronged, these feelings of bitterness may be hard to reconcile with. The truth of the matter is, those who do not deal with these feelings are almost destined to become what they detest.

There are four basic elements of communication and they are:

1) the Messenger,
2) the Message,
3) the Receiver, and
4) the Feedback.

Within these four distinctive elements is the opportunity to become confused or frustrated, especially if you put into the equation of communication that seventy percent of all communication is nonverbal, primarily referring to body language, and that twenty-three percent of all communication is pitch, tone, and the rate of the message’s delivery; which only leaves about seven percent of what is actually being said. Seven percent!

The biggest problem facing us as individuals, whether dealing with the opposite sex, one on one, with groups, organizations, or other nations or cultures, is miscommunication. Think about it: How many times have you been with a loved one, or with a co-worker, or on a date, and everything seemed fine, right up until the moment you may have said or communicated the wrong message at the wrong time? You’re not the only one! Then, you desperately try to undo what you have already done, only to bury yourself further. Now add the frustration we may be feeling until we’re not sure what to say or do next.

The biggest single component in miscommunication is we simply do not listen! Whether it’s the messenger, the message, or the feedback, we do not consider what is being stressed to us. This statement rings particularly true for those we are the closest to. At times we brush off those we know and who understand us the most for reasons of complacency. At times we will take in information provided by others whom we do not know as well, even though both elements of the information are the same. We simply choose not to listen.

Popularity: 21% [?]

Understanding physical barriers that keep you from listening effectively

If you have been looking for information and advice that can help you become a good listener then you found the right place. Today we are going to briefly cover one of the four types of “barriers” that seem to come in the way of listening to others. And if controlled, then these barriers will no longer present a problem with being a good listener.

First lets discuss what a listening barrier is and what types exist. Like emotional and mental filters, there are physical and mental distractions or barriers that impair your ability to listen effectively. These barriers are not filters. They are not part of the brain that decides what input to use. Rather, they are simply items that get in the way of your ability to listen in the first place.

With emotional and mental filters, you happen to listen selectively. With physical barriers, you are typically trying to listen effectively but there are physical distractions that are stopping the flow. In most cases however, barriers can be controlled so that you may practice a better, more active listening habit.

Today we are going to cover one form of an external barrier. It is called the “physical” barrier. Physical barriers are barriers that distance you from the speaker or block in some way your vision from being able to watch or actively listen to the speaker.

For example, if you are attending a company keynote speaker convention, but are sitting way in the back of the room, you will find it very difficult to actively listen, even if the microphone and speaker system is loud enough. The reason why you will have a difficult time truly listening to the speaker, is because the physical barrier is the distance and the other people attending, and this makes it hard for you to read the speaker’s body language.

Another example of a physical barrier would be a desk between you and the other person speaking. Psychologically speaking, the desk immediately sends a message that the person behind the desk is guarded in his or her communication. In addition, it also makes reading nonverbal communication a lot more difficult.

Here is another form of an external barrier when it comes to communication: lack of eye contact. Although some speakers prefer to communicate with dark shades on or lack of eye contact, then these physical barriers prevent the listener from having the full benefit of active listening.

Popularity: 100% [?]

It’s family time!

In today’s day and age living the “on the go” lifestyle has caused a huge dent in the closeness of the family structure. And it’s no wonder. Between the economy causing Fathers to have to work two jobs and the Moms with their careers, it is easy to see how families are getting less and less time to bond.

Regardless of your circumstances, if you want to be closer to your family and on such little time, then you must make the effort. With work, house care, and outside interferences, you cannot expect the family base to stay strong unless you make the time for your loved ones.

Outside of making and honoring the basic marriage covenant, I have come to feel that probably no single structure will help you prioritize your family more than a specified time set aside for everyone to be together each week. This is called “family time” or “family hour”, etc.

Whatever you want to call it, having family time can be a perfect time to keep the family structure strong while maintaining a busy lifestyle. The main purpose is to have one time during the week that is completely focused on being a family.

Popularity: 10% [?]

How Can You Trust After You Have Been Betrayed?

What do you think about when you hear the phrase “Trust in your marriage?” Trusting in your marriage means to sincerely trust your partner, to be able to reveal yourself, your weaknesses, your failures, and your insecurities.

Such vulnerability can be terrifying, especially after your partner has deeply betrayed you. It is very common to find those fears casting long shadows in the bedroom; the ghost of your partner’s lover or dwelling on ways you believe you have failed in your marriage because of your shortcomings, is very hard to get rid of. But the way to gain back trust is to direct your emotional energies toward rebuilding the intimacy.

Couples who have not made love for a long time cannot use their busy lifestyle as an excuse for further lack of connection. Delaying and postponing intimacy until your stress level dissipates is a cop-out. Life is stressful and there is always something to be busy with.

What you must do is stop rationalizing and start thinking about what you can do right now to get close with your partner. Think about what you used to do when things were happy and it was just the two of you. What do you miss the most and how can you get it back? Spend time together and just talk. By spending intimate time together outside the bedroom, you can begin to regain the intimate time inside.

Popularity: 17% [?]

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