4 Tips to help you deal with an angry child

Are your kids always angry and easily disturbed? Parents all over the world are having the same experience that you are going through with trying to raise an angry adolescent. The most important thing for you to keep in mind here is that angry children need love, and lots of it.

However, I can tell you from experience that it is not easy to love an angry violent child who seems to enjoy giving his or her parents nothing but grief in return for the love that they are receiving. The older and angrier a child becomes, the harder they are to love like this.

Here are some free tips to help you if you have an angry child in your home, extended family, or even within your community:

1. Do everything that you can in order to get to know the child. Work to try to reach them on a level that is deeper than surface. Most, if not all of the time, an angry child or an angry teenager is just using a bad attitude to cover up being vulnerable.

In time, if you get them to trust you by becoming their friend, then it will be much easier to reach them and to help with whatever problems they may be facing in life.

2. Most angry children stay frustrated because everyone is always telling them what to do, how to act, or to stop being mad. Instead, take a different approach. Ask them questions about themselves. Ask them what they are interested in. Get them talking about things in life that they like.

Before you know it he or she will open up and start sharing this information. And that is a good sign that the child has the ability to be reached.

3. Become a steady presence in their lives, but only if you have dealt with and can manage not to choose anger in your own life. Yes, getting mad is a choice, not something that is forced upon us.

We choose to feel the way we do and if you are choosing anger in your life then what kind of example is that for the angry youngster whom you are trying to lead to happiness? Be sure that you are not having anger issues before trying to work out another person’s anger issues, especially youngsters.

4. Consult with other parents and adults who have dealt with the same kind of situations. Sometimes the best advice can come from another person who has experience in turning around the attitudes of angry children.

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Expectations That Affect Good Communications

When you communicate with another person, your interaction is governed by your particular mindset at the time. Your mindset filters the information you receive and often can prevent you from communicating and listening actively and objectively.

Your immediate mindset filters everything through your current concerns, including your expectations, present personal relationships or something as simple as what has happened right before the conversation. Your long-term mindset filters everything through your personal background, your values, your past experiences and even your earliest childhood memories.
Your immediate filters are those that change depending on current situations. They may be influenced by your long-term filters, but for the most part these are factors that immediately concern you.

Have you ever left a meeting upset because it failed to live up to your expectations? Or have you ever gone into a meeting fully expecting to hear your boss say one thing but told you something that is totally different? The expectations that you carry into a communication situation can impede your ability to actively listen to what a speaker is saying.

These expectations may be about the topic. For example, you expect the presenter at a meeting to take a particular stand on a topic or reach a certain conclusion. When he starts to talk, you assume you know what is going to be said and listen selectively to support your expectations. You do not listen objectively to what he is saying.

Your expectations also may be about the speaker. Part of these expectations may be based on your previous experience with the speaker. “Oh, he’s always boring,” is an example of expectations you may have. But you also have roles that you expect people to fall into because of their status. These expectations can stifle communication. When someone doesn’t act the way you expect him to, your expectations will filter what you hear him saying.

Your expectations also may relate to a particular situation. You may have caught yourself saying, “I wish I didn’t have to go to that boring meeting.” When you catch yourself saying something like this, you are expressing your negative expectations for the situation. If you go into the situation, expectations in full swing, they will create a self-fulfilling prophesy. Regardless of the reality of the situation, the meeting will be boring, and you will only “hear” the meaningless small talk.

There is a way for you to control your expectations. Before your next meeting or conversation, make a list of what you expect out of the topic, the situation or the speaker. This list represents the barriers that prevent you from actively listening and being able to communicate effectively.

Test your reactions prior to the meeting or conversation and anticipate your reactions to particular ideas or situations. Try to predict a full range of responses. Ask yourself, “If he says this, how will I respond?” This is useful in situations when you have had some difficulty in communicating or when you anticipate hearing information that will make you uncomfortable.

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Assertive Communication

Assertive behavior is self-enhancing. When you express your feelings honestly, you usually achieve your goal. You generally feel good about yourself when you choose to behave in an assertive manner, even if your goals are not achieved.

You must tailor your communication to circumstances of each new situation. Behavior that applies to some persons and circumstances does not apply to all persons or situations. Each situation is different. There are times when a passive response is most appropriate. Sometimes, an aggressive response is needed. Most of the time, assertiveness is the key.

Always be true to your own thoughts, feelings and beliefs. Avoid direct or implied criticism of the other person’s thoughts, feelings or beliefs, and you are likely to retain the trust and goodwill of those around you. Think in terms of I-messages. An I-message expresses your feelings and experiences without making the other person responsible for them. An I-message is honest and genuine. It doesn’t judge, blame or interrupt. It never tells the other person what he should think or feel.

Successful use of I-messages requires that you know exactly what you want and need, take personal responsibility for meeting your preferences, express yourself to the person whose cooperation you need, and be willing to listen if the other person becomes defensive.

If you develop a full understanding of assertive communication, you can choose appropriate and self-fulfilling responses for a variety of situations. All effective assertive communication, however, is characterized by a basic four-part message:
1. Non-judgmental description of the behavior to be changed.
2. Disclosure of the assertor’s feelings.
3. Clarification of the concrete and tangible effect of the other person’s behavior on the assertor.
4. Description of the behavior that would be more satisfactory.

You’ll send more assertive messages when you use this formula: “When you (state the other person’s behavior non-judgmentally), I feel (disclose your feelings) because (explain the impact on your life). I prefer (describe what you want).” This way, the four parts of the assertion message are stated as clearly as possible and are contained in one sentence.

This style of communication requires conscientious practice. Others don’t know what behavior you want modified. You must clearly communicate what the other person does that frustrates you. This can be difficult. People seldom describe behavior accurately enough for listeners to understand how their actions frustrate the speaker. These guidelines will help you develop effective behavior description skills:

1. Describe the behavior in specific rather than general terms.
2. Limit yourself to behavioral descriptions. Do not draw inferences about the other person’s motive, attitudes, character, etc.
3. Be objective rather than judgmental.
4. Be as brief as possible.
5. Communicate the real issues to the right person.

Popularity: 18% [?]

3 Ways To Turn Negative Situations Into Positive Ones

1. When you talk, listen to yourself for the “buts,” “could ofs” and “gonnas” in your own conversations and those of people around you. Zap those negatively charged words and phrases from your own vocabulary.

2. Create scenarios in which you may have reacted negatively in the past and envision yourself responding in the future with a positive charge. For example: Your boss hands back a report saying it is unsatisfactory and telling you to redo it. In the past you might have made excuses and blamed co-workers or conditions. Now you respond by thanking the boss for the opportunity to improve it.

3. Consider a problem or difficult situation in your life. Is it something that you can change? Or is it something you have no control of? Positively charged people learn to attack those problems that they can change and to live with those that they cannot - thereby robbing the problem of its power over them. If you cannot change the problem, change the way you view it. Example: “My employer is going to lay me off for three weeks.” Positive response: “I can spend the time seriously looking for a better, more secure job.”

Popularity: 20% [?]

Child Communication: 4 Techniques to aid you in listening to your children

Your child is depending on you to be able to listen to them and to really hear them out, even though they may not act like it. Actively listening to your child is extremely crucial if you want clear and open communication to become a regular habit. Although children may often find it difficult to fully express their feelings and what they want to say, there are other methods on how you can effectively listen to your kids.

Many times you can tell that your child wants you to listen to her by expressing it in a non verbal way. Her body language is an excellent barometer of how she feels and whether she needs to be listened to. A sobbing two year old needs someone to be patient and take some time to listen to her. Similarly, a seven year old moping in the corner is sending a very clear message that she needs someone to listen to her.

The following are methods of effectively listening to children:

1. The younger your child is the more you need to observe and “listen” to her gestures and body language. Watch for gestures and facial expressions and then gently ask carefully phrased questions to find out exactly what is wrong. For instance, if your four year old is crying, do not assume that you know what is making her cry. Instead of saying to her “Did that creepy bad spider scared you?” say something like “Are you crying because you are scared?” If she says “yes,” then your next question should be “What was it that scared you?”

If she does not know or having a hard time saying it, then be patient and stay with her until both of you resolve the problem. You might need to ask her fifteen questions before you figure out what is wrong. But if you immediately suggest to her that it was the spider that scared her and it did not, then you have introduced another topic to deal with and may never know what it was that really scared her.

2. Get ready to listen to their fantasy or imaginary friends. Talking through your child, fantasy or imaginary friends can offer you a lot of information and details about your child’s concerns and fears.

3. Listen carefully for statements that imply “my friend.” Sometimes, a child will describe her problem by talking about a friend who has the same problem. In other words, she will tell you exactly how she feels but refer to herself as another imaginary person.

4. Listen carefully and kindly. Do not make any judgments and you will definitely get more out of your child. But you do not have to accept everything that she tells you but be sure to put off the judgment until you hear the whole story. By rushing into judgment, your child will clam up and it will be more difficult for you to help her with her problems in the future.

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4 Tips for overcoming shyness

Shyness; almost everyone has been a victim of it at one point or another. Research has shown that men go through more of it that women do. On a subtle level, the shy person is an introvert and a little reserved. On the more drastic level, why people a constant feeling of insecurity and fear around other people that is so overwhelming they often stay home and avoid the social scene altogether.

What is the cause of shyness? For a lot of people, shyness is a result of what happened to them in the past. As children, they may have felt rejected and criticized by their peers or their family. Their parents may have taught them not to be assertive or too aggressive. These kinds of behaviors are carried on in their adult life and turned into insecurity or fear of being judged by other people.

For some people, shyness is inherited. They are born with what is called “stranger anxiety” which is caused in part by chemical imbalance in the brain. Researchers also found what is called “switching center” in the brain that results in stimulating fear and withdrawal reactions.

Whether your shyness is instilled or inherited, you don’t have to live with it. By increasing your level of confidence, you can overcome your shyness and live a more carefree life.

Here are some tips to help conquer your shyness.

1. Remember that overcoming shyness starts with building up your self confidence. Consider yourself as your own biggest fan, not your worst critic.

2. Act the way you want to be and feel. Try this exercise in the privacy of your home. Stand up straight, chin up, puff out your chest and raise your voice as you walk around the room. Practicing this helps you get rid of hidden anxiety, awkwardness, and embarrassment. After doing this exercise, you will feel more refreshed and rejuvenated.

3. Try affirmations. Tell yourself that you are a worthwhile person and that you deserve the best of what life has to offer. Do this everyday at least twice a day. I find that the best times to do affirmations are first thing in the morning and before you go to bed at night.

4. Try and figure out why you are shy. What are your fears and insecurities? You may realize that other people don’t see what we call our imperfections the way we do.

Popularity: 10% [?]

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