3 Ways to Enjoy Better Love-Making

Having great sex with the person you love is not only a joyous experience, but it is one that can reach new heights and excitement, so long as you understand how to communicate your needs effectively. Below are three ways to help you connect sexually with your partner:

1. Pay attention to the speed and pace at which your body responds to sex. If you are not aroused enough for sexual activity, then let your partner know. Do not be afraid to say what you would like to have happen in order to increase your stimulation.

2. Learn to explain to your partner what you like and what you need in order to be satisfied. Nothing can bring two people’s sexual experiences more closer than communication. Be open and honest. Clarity is key to getting and giving what you want out of sex.

3. If you are moving into new sexual arenas with your partner, keep in mind that it could be difficult. If your spouse or significant other makes a suggestion to you that makes you feel uncomfortable, do not immediately reject him or her. Explain why you are uncomfortable and try to modify things a bit.

Popularity: 48% [?]

What Does He Mean By That?

The purpose of good listening is to gain maximum understanding. Many people are tuned in only to the words of a speaker or to the body language or the tone of voice and do not listen to the whole message. In understanding a message, each of these is important.

In order to hear the entire message, keep in mind the following points:

1. Think about the specific words the speaker is saying.

2. Maintain an eye contact with the speaker. You cannot read body language without looking at the speaker. Eye contact tells him that you are listening.

3. Engage your mind to interpret his body language. You may intuitively understand it because much of what is sent nonverbally is subconsciously understood. If you feel your emotions are coloring your understanding, do an awareness check.

4. Watch facial expressions and how the speaker uses his hands and arms. These will give you the most information on his nonverbal communication.

5. Listen to his tone of voice. Is it consistent with his words?

6. Interpret the complete message when he has finished. Respond to what you think he is saying and then listen carefully to his response to you.

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Implicit Messages: The Blockage Of Communication

There is a great difference between what a person intends to say and what a person may actually say. An implicit message is one in which communication is not plainly expressed. It is implied. Implicit messages can entangle the real or intended message.

Implicit, or unspoken, messages can cause others to feel frustrated, confused or angry. When you receive implicit or hidden messages in the communications of others, it can confuse future communication. That’s why it’s important to say what you mean and mean what you say. For example, the implicit message in the sentence, “My stomach is rumbling,” could translate into the explicit message, “I’m hungry. When are we going to eat?”

If you adopt this unproductive and discouraging way of communicating by using implicit messages, your relationships may not be as fulfilling as you would like them to be. For example, after a disagreement during a discussion you are sitting next to the person with whom you are in a relationship. She states, “I’m cold.” She then moves away from you and wraps herself in a comforter. There can be a certain meaning or expectation implied in her message, and/or she may be disguising her own feelings of insecurity. Your perception is that she is withdrawing from you and insulating herself with the comforter. Your explicit message would be, “I’m feeling distant, anxious, and insecure after our disagreement.” This explicit message clearly states the person’s feelings and allows an opportunity for further discussion. Concealed, or implicit, messages disguise the person’s real emotions which may cause future complications.

Take personal responsibility for clarifying implicit messages to prevent the development of walls and barriers to communication. Don’t let hidden messages become the rule rather than the exception. Make the implicit (unspoken), explicit (spoken). Clearly state what you mean without reservation or disguise. Leave nothing implied. You can check out what the person feels by directly asking them, “Are you feeling distant and uncomfortable after our discussion? I’d like to clear up what’s going on between us.” Checking out the intended meaning in the message (”I’m cold”) will facilitate productive communication and congruent behavior, resulting in healthier relationships.

Start now! Don’t allow your future decisions and feelings to be controlled by unproductive past experiences. Now is the time to courageously move forward and change your unproductive, past communications.

Develop greater self-respect by becoming more capable and responsible for communicating with clarity, consistency, and decisiveness. Get in touch with your optimism and courage to overcome your incongruent, self-defeating communication and behavior. Use your empathy and communication skills to develop the new, success-focused you! Your potential is unlimited!

Popularity: 23% [?]

Rejection: Don’t Take It Personal

Rejection occurs when someone says, “no” to your idea, request, or action. Some people need the approval of other people. They are vulnerable when told “no.” But the assertive person accepts “no” as a denial in a specific situation and doesn’t think that he is being rejected as a person.

Communication is the expression of another’s perception. “No” is not a rejection of you. It is the rejection of an idea. Don’t take it personally. This only complicates your ability to communicate and decreases your effectiveness and understanding of the situation.

Though there are some dishonest manipulators who say, “no” and mean it as a direct rejection of you, most people want the same things from communication as you do. No one likes to be talked down to. Nobody likes rejection. But honest and straightforward clarification of criticism or rejection helps you to resolve the conflict. Concentrate on remaining objective and not giving in to your emotions.

Conflict caused by criticism and rejection can be resolved by clarifying the situation with yourself and the other involved. Don’t store up bad feelings of rejection and anger only to have them resurface at a later time. Clear the air. Express your feelings. Accept the feelings and information of the other person. Then move on.

Popularity: 24% [?]

Overloaded Voice Mail: 3 Ways To Organize & Reduce Your Messages

One of the biggest complaints about voice mail is that people get too many messages, and it takes too long to listen to them. Here are some tips that can help you deal with this problem:

1. Increase the playback speed of your calls. When you listen to your messages, speed them up so that you can get through them quicker. (This feature may not be available on all voice mail systems or home answering machines.)

2. Limit the length of time for each message. If you’ve got long-winded people, limit the length of time that a person can leave a message to 60, 90, or 120 seconds at most. (When you record your message, tell callers that they have only 60 seconds to leave their messages.)

3. Limit the number of calls your voice mail box can hold. I know this advice may sound like it’s defeating the purpose of the voice mail system, but if you’re getting too many calls, try limiting the number of calls that your voice mail box can hold. When your box is full, the caller will be told something like: “This voice mail box is full.” Now the caller will have to call someone else, call back later, or send a letter or e-mail message.

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How to communicate with your teen

Raising children in today’s world is not an easy task, and this is especially true when they become teenagers. And your number one job as a parent is to communicate effectively to your son your daughter the best you can.

Of course you may go through some very rough times as they are getting through their teenage years trying to find their way, but this is the most important time of their lives, also the most confusing, and they need you.

It’s been said that raising a teenager is a lot like being an Air Traffic Controller and some of the rules below could apply to both situations:

1. Keeping the airplane (your teen) on the radar screen at all times is vital. You cannot lose track of the direction in which your child is moving in. You do not want to be overbearing to the point of them running from you, but at the same time you want to make sure you are keeping good tabs on their social life, their academics, and their behavioral patterns.

2. If something is wrong with the airplane (your teen), then it is your duty to bring the flight in to fix the problem. If your son or daughter appears to be having problems, you must know how to communicate well with them so that they will realize that they can always go to mom and dad whenever they have problems.

3. When the plane (your teen) hits turbulence and things get rough, you cannot leave your post just because you do not like the situation. If there is a major problem and the issue is giving both you and your child a rough time, your duty as a parent is to stick it out and be there for them, regardless of the pain you may be going through to help.

4. The biggest danger you have to face is losing communication with the airplane (your teen) on your radar screen. In other words, in addition to doing all you can to keep communication open with your teen, you must also do everything possible to re-establish that communication should it become lost.

Popularity: 24% [?]

Four Ways To Improve Your Voice Quality and Tone

The way in which a person speaks can contribute either positively or negatively to a perception of magnetism. Often, more significance is attached to the way something is said than to what is actually being said. A forceful voice, which includes a consistent tone without vocalized pauses, connotes power, control, and confidence, thus contributing to a perception of magnetism. On the other hand, a whispery, wimpy voice detracts from a person sounding confident and being able to take charge to influence others. Avoiding an annoying voice quality can have a positive impact on others.

One research surveyed a nationwide sample of 1,000 men and women, and asked the question, “Which irritating or unpleasant voice annoys you the most?” The answer was a whining, complaining, or nagging tone. The same research concluded that we are judged by the way we sound and that careers can be damaged by an unpleasant voice. People judge our intelligence much more by how we sound than how we dress. However, the conclusion that voice quality contributes to or detracts from magnetism does not imply that there is no room for individuality in this dimension. A nice, pleasant and magnetic voice can encompass a wide range of regional accents, such as the former business executive and Reform Party presidential candidate H. Ross Perot and financier Donald Trump.

The following are techniques that you can practice on your own to improve your voice quality:

1. Listen to your voice on either a tape cassette, videocassette, or voicemail system. Keep repeating the same message until you are satisfied that you sound like a confident and magnetic person.
2. While listening to your voice, search for common voice problems such as a monotonous tone, squeakiness, an accent that is too thick or tendencies to mumble or to talk too fast.
3. Several times per week visualize yourself speaking to work associates and practice using the voice quality you think will convey the impression that you are personally magnetic.
4. Consult a speech therapist or coach to help identify any facets of your voice that detract from your image.

Changing the quality of your voice dramatically would take years because one’s voice is composed of so many ingrained, long- term habits. Though, just by modifying a few of your worst habits you might be able to make noticeable improvements. For example, by learning to exaggerate your lip movements you could substantially reduce that mumbling quality that has been driving your friends crazy for years.

Popularity: 30% [?]

Remembering Speeches

Probably the worst mistake you can make is to try to memorize a speech word for word. First of all, it isn’t really necessary. The assumption is that if you’ve been asked to deliver a speech on a particular subject, you know something about that subject. Secondly, memorizing the speech word for word will make it sound that way when you deliver it—memorized. And, finally, when you memorize a speech word for word, you’re taking the chance of fumbling over one word you can’t remember.

Reading a speech doesn’t work either, because you want to hold the group’s attention, and reading to them is likely to put them to sleep. Even if you occasionally look up at your audience as you read, it won’t help much.

The best way to deliver a speech is to talk it in your own words, thought for thought. A speech is a sequence of thoughts; if the thoughts are out of sequence, the speech won’t make much sense. First, write out or type your speech, including all the things you want to say about all the ideas you think are important. Read it over to get the gist of it. Now for that “other idea”: Select a Key Word from each thought that will remind you of the entire thought.

This is easier to do than it might seem. There is rarely a thought, whether it is to be expressed in one sentence or two paragraphs, that cannot be brought to mind by one word or phrase. It is these Key Words (or Key Thoughts) that you Link - at which point you have the speech memorized thought for thought.

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The Need to Listen Better

All of us have said and have had wrongful thoughts during the heat of the moment. We’ve lashed out at our parents, our loved ones, and those at work. And I’m sure most of us regret what we may have said and the pain our actions and words may have caused. With the exception of those who are truly mentally ill, I don’t believe any of us want to hurt others or carry feelings of animosity, but for some of us, particularly those who have experienced difficulty, especially if we feel we have been wronged, these feelings of bitterness may be hard to reconcile with. The truth of the matter is, those who do not deal with these feelings are almost destined to become what they detest.

There are four basic elements of communication and they are:

1) the Messenger,
2) the Message,
3) the Receiver, and
4) the Feedback.

Within these four distinctive elements is the opportunity to become confused or frustrated, especially if you put into the equation of communication that seventy percent of all communication is nonverbal, primarily referring to body language, and that twenty-three percent of all communication is pitch, tone, and the rate of the message’s delivery; which only leaves about seven percent of what is actually being said. Seven percent!

The biggest problem facing us as individuals, whether dealing with the opposite sex, one on one, with groups, organizations, or other nations or cultures, is miscommunication. Think about it: How many times have you been with a loved one, or with a co-worker, or on a date, and everything seemed fine, right up until the moment you may have said or communicated the wrong message at the wrong time? You’re not the only one! Then, you desperately try to undo what you have already done, only to bury yourself further. Now add the frustration we may be feeling until we’re not sure what to say or do next.

The biggest single component in miscommunication is we simply do not listen! Whether it’s the messenger, the message, or the feedback, we do not consider what is being stressed to us. This statement rings particularly true for those we are the closest to. At times we brush off those we know and who understand us the most for reasons of complacency. At times we will take in information provided by others whom we do not know as well, even though both elements of the information are the same. We simply choose not to listen.

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Understanding physical barriers that keep you from listening effectively

If you have been looking for information and advice that can help you become a good listener then you found the right place. Today we are going to briefly cover one of the four types of “barriers” that seem to come in the way of listening to others. And if controlled, then these barriers will no longer present a problem with being a good listener.

First lets discuss what a listening barrier is and what types exist. Like emotional and mental filters, there are physical and mental distractions or barriers that impair your ability to listen effectively. These barriers are not filters. They are not part of the brain that decides what input to use. Rather, they are simply items that get in the way of your ability to listen in the first place.

With emotional and mental filters, you happen to listen selectively. With physical barriers, you are typically trying to listen effectively but there are physical distractions that are stopping the flow. In most cases however, barriers can be controlled so that you may practice a better, more active listening habit.

Today we are going to cover one form of an external barrier. It is called the “physical” barrier. Physical barriers are barriers that distance you from the speaker or block in some way your vision from being able to watch or actively listen to the speaker.

For example, if you are attending a company keynote speaker convention, but are sitting way in the back of the room, you will find it very difficult to actively listen, even if the microphone and speaker system is loud enough. The reason why you will have a difficult time truly listening to the speaker, is because the physical barrier is the distance and the other people attending, and this makes it hard for you to read the speaker’s body language.

Another example of a physical barrier would be a desk between you and the other person speaking. Psychologically speaking, the desk immediately sends a message that the person behind the desk is guarded in his or her communication. In addition, it also makes reading nonverbal communication a lot more difficult.

Here is another form of an external barrier when it comes to communication: lack of eye contact. Although some speakers prefer to communicate with dark shades on or lack of eye contact, then these physical barriers prevent the listener from having the full benefit of active listening.

Popularity: 100% [?]

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