Perceptions Of Reality

The terms self-image and self-perception convey a concrete idea. If we perceive an object, we assume it is there just as we see it. We do not think, “Perhaps that object is really not there, and I am just hallucinating.” When we see an image, we assume it to be real. Our perceptions tell us what reality is, and we act according to our perceptions.

We naturally assume that what we perceive to be reality is also what others perceive as reality. If I see a bus coming down the street, I naturally assume that everyone else sees a bus coming down the street.

This is also true of a self-image or a self-perception. If I see myself in a certain way, that is reality. I do not go around thinking that my perception may be distorted. If my self-image is one of inadequacy and inferiority, then I am certain that other people perceive me as such.

If my self-image is negative, and I am convinced that others see me negatively, this poses a serious problem for me. Why would anyone deserve my companionship? Since it is obvious to me that no one would wish to be in my presence, any effort that I make to associate with people will inevitably result in their rejecting me. Since rejection is extremely painful, I must avoid it at all costs. Clearly the most effective method of avoiding rejection is to avoid associating with people. I become a “loner.” I prefer to be by myself. Most loners say that they prefer to be alone because they are private people and don’t like others intruding on their privacy. Do not believe this; they are lying either to you or to themselves. Loners crave companionship as much as everyone else does, but their fear of rejection outweighs their desire for companionship.

Not all people with a negative self-image are loners. Some may think, “Of course, if anyone got to know me, he would reject me. But I am clever enough to put on a facade so that people will not get to know the true me.” These people can be very entertaining socially. They feel safe in public because they can act in a way that prevents others from getting to see the “true self.”

Popularity: 19% [?]

How Motivation Works In Response To Rewards (Positive Or Negative)

The bottom line for motivation is reward. Some kind of reward - whether it’s a gain or a loss - is behind all behavior. The reward can be either positive or negative; I occasionally come across people who are motivated by a negative outcome. That kind of motivation may not be healthy, but it does dictate behavior.

The rewards for “right” behavior are well known, but you may seldom consider the rewards for “wrong” or “negative” behavior. For example, everyone knows that good grades are the reward for studying and that good health is the reward for eating right and exercising. But everyone has also, on occasion, noticed children behaving badly in order to get the attention they want.

Once, when my sister Jenny was about 5 years old, she tried repeatedly to get her mother’s attention while her mother was on the phone. In an angry fit of frustration, Jenny set fire to some boxes in the utility room. I don’t need to tell you that mother didn’t waste any time getting off the phone when those boxes went up in flames! Jenny’s reward for that behavior was the attention she wanted - and then some. I assure you that the “and then some” part was very negative. Consequently, Jenny never set anything on fire again.

Popularity: 14% [?]

Daily Motivation: Ideas That You Can Use Today

There are many techniques for motivating yourself. You may say to yourself, “I will not leave the office until everything is cleared off this desk tonight,” or, “Just twenty more pages, then I can take a coffee break.” One of the most effective methods is to ask someone to support you living your dream.

Following are some other ways people have chosen to build more motivators into their everyday lives:

1. Exercise daily.
2. Put up notes around the house to remind yourself to put first things (your dream) first.
3. Treat yourself to more walks on the beach.
4. Set aside time each day just for your personal thoughts.
5. Play motivational tapes while driving.
6. Meditate daily.
7. Buy yourself flowers.
8. Plan mini-vacations to reward small milestones.

Successful people do not spend a lot of time sitting around waiting for the phone to ring, for someone else to come and pump them up, or for the needed inspiration to carry on. Neither do they pretend they require no motivators and no support. They take charge, in this area as in others, of anticipating and providing for their own needs.

Building motivators into your life is a powerful way of assuring that your dream will receive the ongoing nourishment it needs, especially when the going gets tough, or you are under pressure or stress.

Popularity: 19% [?]

3 Tips For Goal-Setting

Before you decide whether a single goal fits into your goals program, you should work that goal through a process that can help determine whether you should be pursuing this goal at the current time. This can take considerable time but it can save you much time and frustration by eliminating goals that are not for you at this time and helping to identify what you need to focus on now.

1. Target in on your goal: Your goal must be specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and timely. Remember: Some goals must be big and some goals must be long-range.

Significant goals must be broken down into smaller parts to ensure daily accountability. For example, if you want to lose 50 pounds this year, you can break that down to a goal of 4 pounds a month or 1 pound a week and then figure out how many calories you need to cut out or burn off to achieve that weekly weight loss.

2. Identify how you benefit from the goal: People often fail to reach their goals because they concentrate on the costs rather than the benefits. “If I lose the weight,” they reason, “I’ll have to give up this and do that.” Or “If I quit smoking, I know that I’ll gain weight and be miserable and difficult to get along with.”

Instead of concentrating on the negatives, think of the benefits that you’re going to enjoy. As you set goals, make a list of the tangible rewards that will be yours when you reach each goal. Each time you begin to ask yourself whether pursuing a goal is worth the effort, simply take out the list of benefits and read them aloud again.

3. List the obstacles that stand between you and your goal: You need to identify obstacles in order to be realistic and avoid being surprised. People have experienced many times that they had no idea that pursuing such-and-such a goal was going to be so demanding, require so much effort, take so long, and involve so many unexpected pitfalls. Careful planning in advance eliminates much of this disappointment, but you must understand that you can’t always see the roadblocks ahead. That’s why commitment, attitude, responsibility, and focus on the benefits remain constant necessities. Patience is also extremely important. Just remember that by keeping yourself focused on the goal, you can see the benefits and not just the obstacles.

Very few people get excited about obstacles. A mammoth traffic jam when you’re in a big hurry or a bad cold just before a long-planned vacation doesn’t create excitement in your life. Disappointments or setbacks of any kind are seldom viewed with enthusiasm. Yet those very difficulties should generate excitement, if for no other reason than that overcoming obstacles makes you strong and enables you to soar to greater heights.

Popularity: 29% [?]

Goal setting in sports is not a new thing

Goal setting in sports is not a new concept. It has been there always. All sportsmen know that they can excel only if they have a clear goal before them. This goal can be to participate in Olympics; it can be to be a national champion in swimming; it can be to make it to the college team. Each sportsman sets his or her goals, and tries to achieve them with the help of coaches or their own efforts.

The key to success is to have a clear goal. However, this goal should be realistic and based on the sportsman’s skills. Not everyone can become a world champion. There are many who should be happy to win a medal at the college level, and this is what their goal should be.

The goals need not be set for individual records. They can be set to enhance fitness, improve attendance, increase intensity, develop team spirit or establish consistency. They also need to be specific. Instead of saying, “I want to improve my performance,” a sportsman must define his goal as, “I want to win the next 200 meter race.”

It is also sensible to have a few, carefully defined goals than several goals. This allows sportsmen and coaches to keep their attention focused. They are also able to set better deadlines. Timelines are especially valuable in high-risk sports where fear often promotes procrastination in learning new skills.

Team goals in case of team sports can easily be broken down into individual goals with each individual having specific responsibilities and specific targets to meet for the overall success of the team.

It is not only the individual who sets the goals in sports but also the coach. For the coach goal setting is more about how he or she is motivating the sportsman. By providing more time and attention to an athlete who is having a lean time, or by rewarding those who are doing better, the coach helps sportsmen achieve their goals more easily.

Popularity: 30% [?]

Are You Making The Right Choices In Your Life?

You are what you are and where you are because of countless choices that you’ve made during your lifetime. Each choice has an influence, however slight, upon your path in life. You can choose to be cheerful, or you can choose to be gloomy. You can choose to be rude, or you can choose to be courteous. You can choose to love your neighbor, or you can choose to hate your neighbor. You can choose to be sober, or you can choose to be drunk. You can choose to be an asset to society, or you can choose to be a detriment to society. You can choose to eat sensibly, or you can choose to indulge in unhealthy eating habits. You can choose to be prosperous, or you can choose to be broke. You can even choose to be mentally healthy, or you can choose to literally destroy your sanity. When you understand that every choice has an end result, you place yourself in a position to become successful in every area of your life. Each choice that you make takes you either toward what you want in life or away from your heart’s desire.

Taking Inventory: You are where you are right now because of the choices you have already made, so taking a look at the past helps you understand the true impact that choices have on your life. You should take inventory of everything you have and everything you’ve done that has any significance. These things happened because of a series of choices that were made for you as a child and by you as you matured.

Asking yourself a question: What do you really want out of life? Reflecting on that question can save you an enormous amount of time and heartache. An extremely high percentage of college graduates end up in a field unrelated to what they majored in, which leads me to think that most people wander through their childhood, teenage years, and young adulthood with no clear concept of what they want to do with their lives. Many people pursue goals that are set or influenced by someone else, but pursuing those goals, if they aren’t also your goals, doesn’t produce maximum satisfaction or significant accomplishments.

The beginning point for the momentous undertaking of figuring out what you want from life is a note pad, a quiet spot, and time to ponder the question at length. Think along the lines of “If I were absolutely certain that I wouldn’t fail, and if I had all the resources necessary to get there, what would I really want to be, have, or do?” Let your imagination run wild, and permit no judgment to follow the impulses that you put on that piece of paper. Don’t use money as your yardstick, but don’t eliminate it as a desirable goal. Money is frequently the result of performance and service, but making money your prime goal influences other choices to a large degree.

Popularity: 31% [?]

A Nice Way To Say “No”

Refusals are never easy to write. It will help if you are clear in your own mind that you do indeed want to say “no”; any ambivalence will undermine your letter. One very good reason for saying “no” is simply “I don’t want to.” When you have a specific reason for saying no and want to name it, do so. However, the fact that someone else wants you to do something confers no obligation on you to defend your decision.

Write a letter of refusal when giving a negative response to invitations: personal/business; proposals; requests; suggestions; wedding invitations. Below is a list of what to say and what not to say.

1. Thank the person for the offer, request, invitation.

2. State your “no,” expressing your regret at having to do so. If appropriate, explain your position.

3. End with a pleasant wish to be of more help next time, to see the person again, or for good luck. Avoid lengthy, involved excuses and apologies; they are far from convincing, even if true.

4. Avoid phrases like “you may think,” “according to you,” “you claim.” Restate the person’s request, complaint, or angry letter in an unemotional, factual way.

5. Do not attribute your refusal to someone else’s actions (”my wife doesn’t care for . ,) except in the incidental way that, for example, a prior engagement prevents you from doing something.

6. Avoid outright lies. It is too easy to be caught out, and you will be a lot more comfortable with yourself and with the other person the next time you meet if you stick to the truth.

Remember the following tips when writing a refusal letter:

1. Start out your refusal with a “thank you,” if appropriate: “Thank you for your invitation, request, suggestion, proposal.”

2. Be tactful. Avoid reflecting on the person you’re writing to or on their invitation. State your refusal in terms of some inability on your part such as will be out of town,” or simply “will be unable to attend”.

3. Always keep your reply even-tempered and detached.

4. When possible, try to lessen the writer’s disappointment in some way: Offer to help at a later date; suggest someone else who might be able to provide the same assistance; apologize for your inability to approve the request; try to show some benefit to them from your refusal, then thank them for their interest/request/concern.

5. Such a small thing as reversing the order of your phrases may help. Give the reason for your refusal before actually stating the refusal.

Popularity: 8% [?]

Expectations That Affect Good Communications

When you communicate with another person, your interaction is governed by your particular mindset at the time. Your mindset filters the information you receive and often can prevent you from communicating and listening actively and objectively.

Your immediate mindset filters everything through your current concerns, including your expectations, present personal relationships or something as simple as what has happened right before the conversation. Your long-term mindset filters everything through your personal background, your values, your past experiences and even your earliest childhood memories.
Your immediate filters are those that change depending on current situations. They may be influenced by your long-term filters, but for the most part these are factors that immediately concern you.

Have you ever left a meeting upset because it failed to live up to your expectations? Or have you ever gone into a meeting fully expecting to hear your boss say one thing but told you something that is totally different? The expectations that you carry into a communication situation can impede your ability to actively listen to what a speaker is saying.

These expectations may be about the topic. For example, you expect the presenter at a meeting to take a particular stand on a topic or reach a certain conclusion. When he starts to talk, you assume you know what is going to be said and listen selectively to support your expectations. You do not listen objectively to what he is saying.

Your expectations also may be about the speaker. Part of these expectations may be based on your previous experience with the speaker. “Oh, he’s always boring,” is an example of expectations you may have. But you also have roles that you expect people to fall into because of their status. These expectations can stifle communication. When someone doesn’t act the way you expect him to, your expectations will filter what you hear him saying.

Your expectations also may relate to a particular situation. You may have caught yourself saying, “I wish I didn’t have to go to that boring meeting.” When you catch yourself saying something like this, you are expressing your negative expectations for the situation. If you go into the situation, expectations in full swing, they will create a self-fulfilling prophesy. Regardless of the reality of the situation, the meeting will be boring, and you will only “hear” the meaningless small talk.

There is a way for you to control your expectations. Before your next meeting or conversation, make a list of what you expect out of the topic, the situation or the speaker. This list represents the barriers that prevent you from actively listening and being able to communicate effectively.

Test your reactions prior to the meeting or conversation and anticipate your reactions to particular ideas or situations. Try to predict a full range of responses. Ask yourself, “If he says this, how will I respond?” This is useful in situations when you have had some difficulty in communicating or when you anticipate hearing information that will make you uncomfortable.

Popularity: 14% [?]

Are You Ready For Change In Your Life ?

When you are willing to set goals, your motivation becomes more focused and less confused in everyday interactions. Setting goals and designing your dreams and aspirations is a commitment to participate in a dynamic relationship and interaction between yourself and others. Committing yourself to be in a relationship with others helps to create an environment of self-support. The “willingness” to define your goals and aspirations provide you with the motivation to focus on achieving your goals.

Your “will” to take action and achieve your goals is different than wishing your goals to complete themselves. Wishing is a desire for the possibility of some act or state arbitrarily occurring. When it comes to making your goals happen, wishing can be self-sabotaging. “Willing” is self-responsible behavior. When you take conscious control of your life, you actively plan your course or direction. Determining your direction builds positive momentum in your life. Creating positive momentum and enthusiasm drive you to share your enthusiasm with others. When you encourage others to believe in themselves you build positive momentum in their lives.

Your first responsibility as an encouraging person is to yourself. Make your best effort to provide the proper atmosphere for growth to occur. Discovering your own personal power and “free will” requires an attitude of positive self-control.

Without commitment, you are helplessly determined by others and their “will.” To overcome fear and determine your own destiny, you must make a commitment to believe in your own free will. By being committed, you actively assert yourself in your relationship with others and the world. When you become self-supportive, you become better equipped to overcome barriers that prevent you from reaching your goals. By committing yourself to your goals, you generate power in taking a risk to achieve your goals. Developing clarity of focus increases your self-determination and your ability to make up your own mind.

Breaking the shackles of past behaviors and attitudes that have kept you from growing and changing can be uncomfortable. Change is not always comfortable, and it’s definitely not stable or predictable. Deciding to make new, positive changes that generate excitement, or to remain in your stable, sedentary world (or relationship), is a decision only you can make. You have one question to ask yourself: What’s rewarding to you? If you’re comfortable with staying in one spot in life, that’s your choice. But if you want to move on and travel to new destinations, mentally and emotionally, then go for the change.

The challenge is to take conscious control of producing positive thoughts and behaviors that will create healthy choices for you and your life. Make up your mind and overcome your fears. Your positive attitude, like your “will,” is powerful medicine. Turn on your power key to success and become more dynamic. Get fired up and drive with conviction toward your dreams.

Popularity: 30% [?]

A Winning Attitude: Empower Your Dreams By Using Affirmations

A winning attitude often takes work to develop. An important part of this work involves forming positive statements about yourself to replace old, negative, self-defeating thoughts. As a baby, you happily went about doing whatever babies do - touching, tasting, exploring, and learning. You were without thoughts about what you could or couldn’t do, so you tried many things. Very soon, an adult undoubtedly intervened, giving you messages like “Good boy!” “What a bright girl!” “No, no - that is bad.” We accepted these statements unquestioningly.

Over time, as we hear such statements repeatedly, we develop beliefs about ourselves, and begin to organize them into a belief system. Various experiences reinforce them and we begin to adapt our behavior to conform to them. If you were repeatedly praised as a bright child, you began to believe you were a bright child. Your young mind worked overtime, coming up with new ways to show how bright you were, and to elicit further praise.

In the process of living in that premise, your experience of yourself as bright broadened and took root. Soon there was no longer any question about it in your mind. You probably still think of yourself as a bright child, unless at some point that belief was challenged and you deliberately reevaluated it.

This is the way beliefs are formed and assimilated. As a child, it was a rather haphazard experience - our beliefs about ourselves depended to a great extent on circumstances and the beliefs of others close to us. As adults, however, we have the power to originate beliefs of our own choice. We can replace negative, limiting beliefs about ourselves with freshly chosen alternatives. We can get rid of beliefs that don’t support us. In fact, to live our dream fully, a new belief system that enables us to be our best is a necessity. Our old beliefs got us this far; new ones will take us into the future of our dream.

To adopt new beliefs, we can now systematically choose affirming statements, then consciously live in them. They will become increasingly true, until we are certain that that’s who we are. So begin by taking a closer look at the way affirmations are formed. An affirmation is a firm, positive sentence designed to convey a message from your conscious to your subconscious mind. It asserts something you know is true, even though it may not have manifested in your life yet. When the subconscious mind receives this message, it goes to work on a subconscious level to align with it and bring it about.

An effective affirmation must always be in first person (I), and the present tense, and must be stated positively, not negatively. So instead of, “I will not catch a cold and be sick tomorrow” (which would focus your mind on the idea of sickness), you could say: “I am radiantly healthy now. My body feels wonderful! I see myself performing beautifully in my dance recital.”

Now you have replaced the negative thought with a positive, colorful image. Since the mind can only hold one thought at a time, the thought of sickness is gone, and your subconscious mind has grabbed hold of the healthy idea and has swung into action creating health.

Popularity: 12% [?]

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