Find Out If You Have Narcissistic Personal Disorder

Take a brief look at one type of people who tend to be unforgiving: The Narcissist.

Individuals who routinely refuse to forgive often have what is called a narcissistic personality disorder. Narcissists believe that they’re entitled to special rights and privileges, whether earned or not. They are demanding, selfish, and expect special favors without assuming reciprocal responsibilities and express surprise and anger when others do not do what they want.”

If you’re a narcissist, you may frequently feel wounded and enraged when others refuse to comply with your agenda. Your exaggerated sense of entitlement leads you to assume that people are mere instruments for your self-enhancement, placed on earth solely to serve you. Since others don’t exist to you as separate individuals with needs, desires, and feelings of their own, you’re likely to exploit them and not see how this exploitation may set up the conflict you blame them for creating.

If you recognize some of these qualities in yourself, you may be someone who is dependent on the admiration of others to keep your self-esteem afloat, and hypersensitive to anyone who threatens your sense of specialness. Any experience of degradation or personal failure may cut you so deeply that you feel not just slighted but annihilated. Rather than admit how much you need others to fill the emptiness inside you, you may devalue them and assume an air of superiority. Forgiveness is not an option for you - you have too great a sense of self importance and too little humility. Without these qualities, you’re unlikely ever to forgive.

It’s hard to forgive someone if, lacking humility, you believe that he’s totally at fault and that you’re perfect and can do no wrong. If you could accept a degree of complicity, you might respond more charitably, but that would shatter your grandiose view of yourself and ask more of you than you have to give.

When most of us feel wronged - when our sense of fairness is violated - we usually vacillate among three responses: acceptance, forgiveness, and retribution. When a narcissist feels wronged, however, he believes that his only choice is retribution. He can see no alternative but to strike back and settle the score with anyone who dares to defy his power, weaken his control, or threaten his belief in his own perfection.

The narcissist is unlikely to be affected by these words, because he’s unlikely to read them. Incapable of tolerating the discomfort of self-scrutiny or criticism, he seeks admiration, not self-knowledge. He attaches to those who flatter him and discards those who do not. People who get into therapy are often those who are desperately clinging to a narcissist, trying to be good enough, trying to apologize and make peace with someone who is chronically unrepentant and unforgiving.

Popularity: 12% [?]

Implicit Messages: The Blockage Of Communication

There is a great difference between what a person intends to say and what a person may actually say. An implicit message is one in which communication is not plainly expressed. It is implied. Implicit messages can entangle the real or intended message.

Implicit, or unspoken, messages can cause others to feel frustrated, confused or angry. When you receive implicit or hidden messages in the communications of others, it can confuse future communication. That’s why it’s important to say what you mean and mean what you say. For example, the implicit message in the sentence, “My stomach is rumbling,” could translate into the explicit message, “I’m hungry. When are we going to eat?”

If you adopt this unproductive and discouraging way of communicating by using implicit messages, your relationships may not be as fulfilling as you would like them to be. For example, after a disagreement during a discussion you are sitting next to the person with whom you are in a relationship. She states, “I’m cold.” She then moves away from you and wraps herself in a comforter. There can be a certain meaning or expectation implied in her message, and/or she may be disguising her own feelings of insecurity. Your perception is that she is withdrawing from you and insulating herself with the comforter. Your explicit message would be, “I’m feeling distant, anxious, and insecure after our disagreement.” This explicit message clearly states the person’s feelings and allows an opportunity for further discussion. Concealed, or implicit, messages disguise the person’s real emotions which may cause future complications.

Take personal responsibility for clarifying implicit messages to prevent the development of walls and barriers to communication. Don’t let hidden messages become the rule rather than the exception. Make the implicit (unspoken), explicit (spoken). Clearly state what you mean without reservation or disguise. Leave nothing implied. You can check out what the person feels by directly asking them, “Are you feeling distant and uncomfortable after our discussion? I’d like to clear up what’s going on between us.” Checking out the intended meaning in the message (”I’m cold”) will facilitate productive communication and congruent behavior, resulting in healthier relationships.

Start now! Don’t allow your future decisions and feelings to be controlled by unproductive past experiences. Now is the time to courageously move forward and change your unproductive, past communications.

Develop greater self-respect by becoming more capable and responsible for communicating with clarity, consistency, and decisiveness. Get in touch with your optimism and courage to overcome your incongruent, self-defeating communication and behavior. Use your empathy and communication skills to develop the new, success-focused you! Your potential is unlimited!

Popularity: 22% [?]

Personal goal setting must be done early

Personal goal setting is an important way of managing your life. It enables you to fix targets, and to find ways to achieve those targets. Since personal goals are more like lifetime goals it makes sense to start early.

It also makes sense to set goals by category. For instance, you need to define what you want to achieve in the field of education. Would you be happy with a plain graduation? Or would you like to earn a doctorate?

Incidentally, all your personal goals are interlinked. While setting your education goals you must keep in mind your career goals. There is no point in doing a doctorate in literature when you want to sell cars. Your goal in this case should be to get either a degree in automobile engineering or in business administration.

Another key goal that you need to set is with regard to your family. This goal needs to be set early. There are many individuals who don’t want to raise a family. But there are many more who would like to have a large family. Decide what you want.

Another field that cannot be ignored while setting your goals is finances. You have to decide how much you need to save for your bad days or for your old age. You also need to decide the minimum income you need to lead a life of your liking. Based on this, you may have to revise your career goals.

You can obviously not ignore health. This may not be an important issue when you are young, but it surely becomes a major issue as you grow old. You must make a provision for your health requirements besides working out the different exercises that you need to undertake to stay healthy.

These goals will then become your guide. You will have to break them into short-term goals and review your progress as you continue achieving the short-term goals. It is also possible that you may have to modify your goals because of changed circumstances. There is no harm in changing your goals. The best goals are those that are realistic, and achievable.

Popularity: 10% [?]

Why We Need Memory Tools

Using memory tools are extremely useful. Below are 2 reasons why:

1. Memory tools get us to pay attention to things we need to remember. Using a memory tool, just like using any technique to boost your brainpower, will focus your attention more actively on information you need to remember. Why? When we work with information, we pay closer attention to it.

Let’s say you’re at a planning meeting for your office holiday party. You have just agreed to order the decorations. Of course, everyone has an opinion about the party decor, but your boss rules the day with her suggestion of green and red palm trees and silver reindeer candles. You, though, are so busy thinking how nice purple balloons would look that you aren’t really focused on what she is saying. When the group agrees to her idea you have no idea what they’re talking about. Tough luck. If you had been using a memory tool, you would have been paying closer attention to the discussion because you would have been taking notes, which you could review later at your own pace. Just by taking notes, you would have been paying closer attention.

2. Memory tools help us remember the things we need to remember but not memorize. We deal with three kinds of information:

A) Things we really need to remember. This category includes certain things we really must remember, such as our name, address, phone number, PIN numbers, e-mail address, cell phone number, and the names of people we work with closely. Committing this kind of information to memory is essential.

B) Things we don’t really need to remember. Let’s face it, there are some things we really, truly don’t need to memorize. For example, if I need to call a restaurant for a reservation, I need to use that restaurant’s phone number when I call, but I don’t need to learn that phone number by heart (especially if I don’t get a reservation).

C) Things we need to remember but not to memorize. This is information we need to remember for a brief period of time to help us function effectively. Such information includes appointments, errands, and phone calls we have to make. In general, however, we do not need to commit this kind of information to long-term memory.

Popularity: 13% [?]

How Having “Hurt” Feelings Stops Us From Going For Our Dream Lives

Imagine how much closer to living our dreams we would all be if everyone who ever promised us something actually delivered it! How much fuller our lives would be if, any time we asked people for something, they would say yes by giving it to us. When we don’t get what we want from others, when they fail to keep their promises, when they let us down, we often have hurt feelings.

Even deeper (and more frequent) are the times we have let ourselves down. How much greater are our imagination and desires than our physical abilities to fulfill them. The result of all this letdown is often hurt feelings - sadness, loss, grief. And in our bodies, these hurt feelings are felt in the center of the chest, in the area most people refer to as the heart.

A common “cover-up” for hurt is anger. We blame whatever or whomever it is that let us down, and we get steamed. (”How dare you!”) Some people have anger as the automatic response to disappointment. In almost all cases, however, hurt is just underneath. A common defense against hurt feelings is depression. Some people feel so down all the time that one more hurt is just another drop in the ocean of their melancholy.

After enough hurt, anger and depression, people tend to decide, “I’m not going to do anything that causes me any more pain.” That would, of course, include any behavior of a dream fulfillment nature, because that almost certainly includes asking a lot of people (including ourselves) for a lot of things - some of which we’ll get, and some of which (let’s be honest: most of which) we won’t.

Discouragement: Over time, the result of all this fear, guilt, unworthiness, hurt feelings and anger is discouragement. Discouragement promotes inaction, and inaction guarantees failure - a life of not living our dreams. It’s hard to imagine anything more pernicious - and effective - than discouragement.

Let’s take elephants for example, when they are young, baby elephants are heavily chained to stakes driven deep in the ground. Pull as they might, they remain firmly tethered. Soon, the baby elephant becomes discouraged and stops pulling. It learns to stay put. Over time, the trainer uses lighter and lighter restraints. Eventually, a small rope attached to a stick barely anchored in the earth is sufficient to stop a fully grown elephant from moving. In a sense, discouragement makes us all like elephants. Although we, as adults, have the power we didn’t have as children to pursue our dreams, discouragement keeps us from using it.

Popularity: 9% [?]

How Motivation Works In Response To Rewards (Positive Or Negative)

The bottom line for motivation is reward. Some kind of reward - whether it’s a gain or a loss - is behind all behavior. The reward can be either positive or negative; I occasionally come across people who are motivated by a negative outcome. That kind of motivation may not be healthy, but it does dictate behavior.

The rewards for “right” behavior are well known, but you may seldom consider the rewards for “wrong” or “negative” behavior. For example, everyone knows that good grades are the reward for studying and that good health is the reward for eating right and exercising. But everyone has also, on occasion, noticed children behaving badly in order to get the attention they want.

Once, when my sister Jenny was about 5 years old, she tried repeatedly to get her mother’s attention while her mother was on the phone. In an angry fit of frustration, Jenny set fire to some boxes in the utility room. I don’t need to tell you that mother didn’t waste any time getting off the phone when those boxes went up in flames! Jenny’s reward for that behavior was the attention she wanted - and then some. I assure you that the “and then some” part was very negative. Consequently, Jenny never set anything on fire again.

Popularity: 14% [?]

Time Management: Avoiding unnecessary meetings at work

Creating good time management habits at the office can be a tough, especially when you must work around other people’s projects and meeting plans. But just because somebody wants to schedule a face-to-face meeting doesn’t mean that the meeting must be held. Once you talk with that person on the phone, you may discover that you can gather all of the necessary information without ever having to take time from your day for a meeting with him.

Another example of unnecessary time-wasting at the office is attending meetings where it wasn’t necessary for you to be there. You would be surprised as to how many meetings are held with people who did not need to be there. How much time is wasted for those people? How much of their time management planning goes down the drain due to these meetings?

But how do you communicate your desire to bypass a meeting or to have a meeting canceled altogether, without offending the person who is trying to schedule it? Simply try to ask the person on the phone questions about as much information that the meeting is to be about. Then politely say “Well it looks like I have everything that I need, how about I get to work on this project right away and we can meet about the results tomorrow”? However you approach the situation, be conscious of who you are dealing with and what position at the office they hold.

Popularity: 20% [?]

Student goal setting can add to a student’s confidence

The first task that every school should set for its teachers is to assist the students set goals for themselves. The aim of this student goal setting program should be to teach the students the value of self-organization and discipline.

The goal setting should be done by the students themselves, and should be based on their belief, skills and abilities. They must realize that they are the task setters as well as the task achievers.

These goals should then be posted in the classrooms so that the students don’t loose track of their targets. They should be assisted in their task by breaking down the main goal into several small sub-goals.

There should be a regular review done by the teachers. This review should be done in a spirit of camaraderie. Whenever a teacher feels that a student is trying to overachieve, the teacher should scale down the goals.

The students should at all points of time feel motivated and involved in the process. This can only happen if the teachers pat the students whenever they achieve a target, and guide them whenever they are falling behind.

The teachers must avoid egging students forward. They must realize that all students are not equal. There will be some who will achieve their goals faster; and there will be many who will take years to achieve their goals. The teachers should never make the mistake of pitting students against each other.

They must remember that goal setting is a personal task, and not a classroom activity. The role of the teachers is to show the way and not to push the students to achieve the impossible.

Also, as far as possible these goals should revolve around educational activities. The teachers should be in a position to extend the right advice, and the students should also learn.

Popularity: 11% [?]

How To Teach Your Child To Turn Dreams Into Reality

Goal setting is the process of making a dream come true step-by-step and the sooner your children can learn about setting goals the more quickly they can become successful in life. Just imagine how further along your life would be if our parents would have done the same and taught us about goals.

Here are a few simple steps to follow to help your child set goals successfully.

1. Listen First: Encourage your child to become quiet and listen to the wisdom within before setting a goal. Many goals are born out of competition or excessive striving, rather than from one’s own integrity. A healthy and solid goal follows listening to one’s inner wisdom, rather than the reverse. Go over these vital questions before setting goals: Is this goal something I really want? Does this goal serve me in my life right now? What will I need to bring this dream into reality?

2. Create Smart Goals: Getting clear and specific about goals will help your child to create a personal map to success. The more realistic the goal, the more likely it is to take place, as long as the goal is something that your child truly wants, rather than something force-fed by a well-intentioned adult.

3. See It and Believe It: Once the goal has been set, encourage your child to begin to see it as though it had already occurred. Drawing out goals in pictures, writing them down in vivid detail, or describing the desired end result on tape are great ways to keep the energy flowing in a positive direction. Once your child has set the goals, this will be the most important step to focus on each day.

4. Set Monthly Goals: Setting one or two monthly goals is a good way to practice the principles and see results quickly. A family of four selects one main goal per month each, along with a chart for marking down their progress on the refrigerator. Each person places a star on a winning day.

5. Set Yearly Goals: Make yearly goal setting a family affair. Consider creating goals for the year in the following categories: Business or school, Money, Learning, Physical health, Family and friends, Vacation, Spirituality.

6. Reward Your Progress: Rewards can provide a fun lift along the way. Create small weekly or monthly rewards to stay motivated, since every step along the way is a step toward success and worthy of acknowledgment. Give one another hugs, pats on the back, cheers, and encouragement. If someone slips, support that person in getting back on track.

7. Be Willing to Let It All Go: Sometimes something unexpected appears, and signs indicate that a change is needed. Being willing to drop a goal in favor of something more timely is a mark of courage and wisdom. Encourage your child to remain open to changes, and practice the art of detachment.

Popularity: 11% [?]

The Truth About Medicare: Will It Cover You When You Need It?

Most people believe that Medicare will pay for all their long-term-care expenses. It does not. Fewer than 2 percent of the long-term-care costs in our nation is covered by Medicare. The coverage is restrictive and pays for such care only if you meet very strict criteria:

1. You must be in an acute-care hospital for three days before entering the “skilled” nursing facility. An acute-care hospital is an institution licensed by the state and legally qualified to provide skilled care.

2. The “skilled” nursing facility must be Medicare-certified. Skilled care is medical care that can only be performed by or under the supervision of licensed nursing personnel.

3. Your care must be defined by Medicare as “skilled” care, not custodial care. Custodial care is what most people receive by attendants in nursing facilities. It is not defined as medical care, as is skilled care.

When Medicare does pay for your skilled nursing care, it pays the full amount for the first twenty days only. For the next eighty days you must pay $81.50 a day before Medicare will pay the rest. After the one hundred days are up, you must pay the entire amount . With in-home health care, the same limitations apply. Medicare covers only a small portion of home health care and only if it meets the criteria of skilled nursing care.

Popularity: 13% [?]

← Previous Page — Next Page →