Using The Imagination To Control Your Thoughts

The imagination is a fascinating, powerful place. For example, remember any incident from elementary school - writing with a fat pencil, perhaps. (Remember those fat pencils?) Now, think of someplace you plan to go in the next month and imagine yourself there. Good. Now, imagine yourself on the moon, looking back at the earth - a big blue marble in the blackness of space. Excellent, isn’t it?

This is the power of the imagination: we can return to the past, rehearse the future, and zoom off on flights of fancy - all within seconds.

The images you had may not have been well-detailed, or held in the imagination for very long, but you probably had some sense of each. Some people primarily see in their imaginations, others primarily hear, others primarily feel. Whatever you do is fine.

When you do not have conscience control of the imagination, it is vigorously and creatively used against us. We relive the horrors of the past - the fears that were justified, the guilts that were especially foul, the unworthinesses at their worst, the hurt feelings at their most painful, the anger at its most destructive. Considering the false history created by the mind’s careful selection and occasional rewriting, it’s easy to feel discouraged about ourselves and everything we might consider doing.

The mind also uses the imagination when considering the future. It projects an image of not just failure but monumental failure, embarrassing failure, public and unconditional failure. Considering this opposition, it’s amazing that we even get out of bed. The mind (unless you control it) also uses every news story - and every other fictional account - of disaster to show us why we had better not do anything new, ever. It’s time to recapture the imagination from your mind’s fears. Your imagination is yours. You can remember the past you choose, rehearse the future you want, and identify with the real and fictional heroes and events of your selection.

When we remember the good things from our past (and all our pasts are filled with both good and bad), we build an image of ourselves as doers and achievers - charmed, kind and terrific. This forms a solid base for future action.

When we project our dreams into a positive future, we see that we can have what we want. A positive image of the future not only shows us how to get there, it draws us to it, attracting us toward our dreams like a magnet.

When we hear some good news, read an inspirational story or see an uplifting movie, we can use our imagination to put ourselves in the center of the action. This allows us to identify with all the good, happy and wonderful images in our culture - and know that we’re one of them.

Popularity: 17% [?]

Forgiveness: A Path To Happiness

To be happy, you must overcome fear, and the best way to overcome fear is with love. Many people, though, cannot find their love. It exists, but it’s buried beneath a cold snowdrift of hate. It’s easy to hate. You can hate anything from death to terrorists to an unloving father, etc. but hate does terrible interior damage. It tarnishes love, hides love, and often even kills love.

People often think they can hate some people and love others fully, but it’s hard. Love and hate can’t live in the same heart. Think of the happiest people you know. They probably don’t love just their spouses and kids and hate a number of other people. I’ll bet they have a smile for everyone and something good to say about almost anyone. They probably have no enemies - and not much fear.

For the most part, hate is fear. We only hate the things we’re afraid of. When someone hurts us terribly, we often hate them for it. But we hate them mostly because we’re afraid they will hurt us again - either literally or in our minds, which replay the scene of hurt again and again. If we had the power to stop that person from hurting us ever again - even in our memories - our fear would fade, and our hate would again become just hurt, which can always heal.

We do have a way to stop people from hurting us again and again, even in our memories. It is forgiveness. Forgiveness is the blessing we bestow on not just those who have hurt us, but upon ourselves. Forgiveness knocks down the walls around love that hate can build. Forgiveness doesn’t alter what has happened. The memory remains; the hurt is unchanged. But forgiveness grants us new eyes, through the grace of love, that see the hurt in a different way.

Forgiveness isn’t forgetting. It’s just leaving behind your own hate and rising to the next level of life. It’s not about letting the other guy off the hook - it’s about letting yourself off the hook.

From a medical perspective, hate is a heavy burden, creating chronic over-stimulation of the sympathetic nervous system, which contributes strongly to depressed immunity, insomnia, hypertension, muscle pain, colitis, ulcers, heart attack, stroke, memory loss, migraines, and impaired cognitive function. But the worst damage is to peace of mind. It’s impossible to hate and be happy at the same time. You don’t even need to tell someone you’ve forgiven them. In fact, you can forgive someone who’s dead. The important thing is just to get the hate out of your heart.

Popularity: 23% [?]

What not to do when being corrected at work or at home

How do you react when you are under pressure? What is the first thing you do when you are being criticized intensely for something that you have done a poor job on? Do you get all shaken up and distraught or do you handle yourself with ease? Do you get offended when people correct you, even though they may be right?

Class is often defined as the old saying goes: grace under pressure. Regardless of who you are and what social and business circles you hang around in, there comes a time in everyone’s life when we suffer some type of humiliation that is brought on by another person who is offering constructive criticism. And depending on the business or the personal circumstances, it may happen more than once.

Are you prepared to handle such nervous situations? Do you know what to do and how to react? There are hundreds of books that cover thousands of tips and tricks of how you should react, but in today’s article we are going to cover how you should not react if you are dealing with criticism.

1. Do not make excuses. If someone is criticizing how poor of a job you did at home or at work then do not make excuses for yourself by blaming someone else. Take responsibility. For example, if your manager did not find your work satisfactory and has made you aware of it, never say “Well I have not been feeling very good at all lately because you have been making me work so much, and it’s not my fault that I was too tired to do a good job on the project”.

2. Never loose your cool and cry. Do not break down and cry and say such things as “You have never liked me, no matter what I do for you as a friend you have never taken me seriously. You love to embarrass me in front of other people everywhere we go”. Be strong and know that you could of done better. And then next time, do better!

3. Refrain from attacking back. Most men and women’s first response is to counter-attack criticism by saying something nasty about the person who is hurting you. Perhaps they may even bring up something embarrassing about that other person and throw it back in their face. If this is you, then it will be very hard to continue congregating within a circle of friends or hold down a job where you are working for someone else.

The very best advice that we can give you when it comes to defending yourself is often a completely straightforward and sincere apology. Trust me, it will go a very long way in both rectifying the situation and making you appear as a strong, confident, and professional man or woman.

Popularity: 21% [?]

Success Means Nothing Without Character

You can have millions of dollars and not, by any stretch of the imagination, be considered successful by those who know you. The reason is simple: You can make millions of dollars without having character. Character is one of the most important ingredients to success. Without it, the best attitude, the strongest skills, the most concrete philosophy, and the most worthwhile objectives mean nothing.

Drug dealers, smut peddlers, and con artists may accumulate considerable financial wealth and acquire the things that money can buy, but they are never truly successful because without character, they can acquire few, if any, of the things that money can’t buy. Unfortunately, the same thing can be said about some businesspeople, politicians, athletes, attorneys, physicians, movie and TV stars, and so on.

People with integrity do the right thing. When you have integrity, you have nothing to fear because you have nothing to hide. In doing the right thing for the right reason, your personal, family, and business lives you experience no guilt and no fear. With fear and guilt removed from your back, it’s much easier to travel farther, faster, and higher.

Popularity: 22% [?]

The Damage That Alzheimer’s Disease Has On The Brain

Alzheimer’s disease seems to damage - and ultimately kill - many of the nerve cells in the brain. In the process of damaging or killing these nerve cells, it damages or weakens the connections between them as well. It does not damage nerve cells and connections in every region of the brain, at least not at first. For example, it does not usually first affect the basic sensory or motor pathways of the brain, nor the lower centers that control breathing, heartbeat, chewing, swallowing, eating, or walking and other basic movements. So these will not be affected in a person with Alzheimer’s disease in its early stages.

But the damage to nerve cell connections and nerve cells in Alzheimer’s disease usually does start first in the regions of the brain involved in memory, in the inner parts of the temporal lobes. As a consequence, in the typical patient with Alzheimer’s disease, it begins with memory problems. These memory problems look in some ways like those of pure amnesia. The Alzheimer’s patient often has trouble learning or remembering anything new.

Usually, the beginning of Alzheimer’s disease is almost imperceptible. But then - over the course of a few years - the memory loss becomes more severe. The person forgets his keys, not just once a day, but all the time. He cannot remember why he walked into a room every time he walks into a room. He is introduced to people and cannot remember them a few minutes later. He loses his way while trying to drive to someplace a little new and unfamiliar. There may be a tendency for memories that still are preserved - old memories - to substitute for new ones. So the person with Alzheimer’s disease may endlessly repeat conversations and events from the past, or drive to a familiar but incorrect address instead of the new one.

As the disease gets worse, old memories also suffer. The loss of nerve cells and connections begins erasing knowledge of even very well learned things, such as the names of grandchildren, or knowledge of familiar streets and routes. These erasures of old information, combined with the problems learning anything new, may cause sufferers to get lost driving in an otherwise familiar location. Damage in the language regions of the brain frequently results in problems with finding the right words.

In addition to these memory problems, damage occurs in other parts of the brain in early Alzheimer’s disease, which creates other kinds of problems. The frontal regions of the brain orchestrate our behaviors and help us regulate and prioritize mental activities and keep some behaviors in check while letting others surface. Damage in those frontal regions shows itself as alterations in behavior. As a result, the patient with Alzheimer’s disease may not be able to resist gambling or other vices. They may make inappropriate comments - ones we may normally think, but not normally say out loud.

The frontal lobes are also regions of the brain that seem important in providing motivation and direction. Damage to these areas can cause a patient with Alzheimer’s disease to become Somewhat apathetic and lose initiative. They will sit all day, uninterested and unmoving. The mind’s ability to find information and to link it together may also be damaged in Alzheimer’s disease. The Alzheimer’s patient may “not be able to put 2 and 2 together.” You may explain to them why they shouldn’t leave the gas burners on, and they may tell you they know not to leave the burners on - but they do it anyway.

Popularity: 26% [?]

Stressed Out? Try Being A Kid Again!

The next time you’re feeling anxious or stressed, take a break and go back to your childhood. Do something goofy: Find crayons and draw a picture, rent a favorite childhood movie, revisit the toy store to buy a bubble blower kit (then use it), borrow some fun children’s books or find a few old favorites.

A day of revisiting times when life was simpler is a good, inexpensive stress buster. Having fun, just like laughing, prompts a release of endorphins, the feel good hormones.

Workplaces have picked up on the “goofy theme” too. The June 16, 1994, Wall Street Journal, reported on a California ad agency that places punching bags, decorated with the faces of its executives, in its club room. The same agency encourages staff members to paint their offices in wild colors. Another held an indoor golf tournament on two nine-hole courses the employees had constructed.

Popularity: 18% [?]

Perceptions Of Reality

The terms self-image and self-perception convey a concrete idea. If we perceive an object, we assume it is there just as we see it. We do not think, “Perhaps that object is really not there, and I am just hallucinating.” When we see an image, we assume it to be real. Our perceptions tell us what reality is, and we act according to our perceptions.

We naturally assume that what we perceive to be reality is also what others perceive as reality. If I see a bus coming down the street, I naturally assume that everyone else sees a bus coming down the street.

This is also true of a self-image or a self-perception. If I see myself in a certain way, that is reality. I do not go around thinking that my perception may be distorted. If my self-image is one of inadequacy and inferiority, then I am certain that other people perceive me as such.

If my self-image is negative, and I am convinced that others see me negatively, this poses a serious problem for me. Why would anyone deserve my companionship? Since it is obvious to me that no one would wish to be in my presence, any effort that I make to associate with people will inevitably result in their rejecting me. Since rejection is extremely painful, I must avoid it at all costs. Clearly the most effective method of avoiding rejection is to avoid associating with people. I become a “loner.” I prefer to be by myself. Most loners say that they prefer to be alone because they are private people and don’t like others intruding on their privacy. Do not believe this; they are lying either to you or to themselves. Loners crave companionship as much as everyone else does, but their fear of rejection outweighs their desire for companionship.

Not all people with a negative self-image are loners. Some may think, “Of course, if anyone got to know me, he would reject me. But I am clever enough to put on a facade so that people will not get to know the true me.” These people can be very entertaining socially. They feel safe in public because they can act in a way that prevents others from getting to see the “true self.”

Popularity: 19% [?]

Women Who Forgive Too Easily In Their Relationships

When you forgive too easily, you’re likely to be the master of extenuating circumstances, dredging up whatever you can about the offender’s injured past as evidence that his behavior toward you is no fault of his own.

“He was victimized by circumstances he didn’t deserve or control, so how can I hold him responsible for what he did to me?” you tell yourself, ignoring the fact that, though life may have loaded the gun, someone pulled the trigger. When you dwell on the fact that he inherited a genetic predisposition to alcohol, say, or was born with a physical disability, you fail to see that biology is not always destiny.

By writing off his injurious behavior, you free him from any obligation to treat you with the same respect he’s likely to expect of you. Excusing a persons behavior because of his personal damage is pseudo-forgiveness. So is over-identifying with him, and reasoning, “We’re all wounded. We’re all sinners who need to be forgiven. We’re all products of our upbringing. No one has it easy. Everyone has a story to tell. Who am I to judge?”

I’m not suggesting that there isn’t truth and wisdom in this charitable approach to forgiveness. But compassion needs to be balanced against a full appreciation of the harm he did to you. I ask you to have as genuine a concern for yourself as for him, to care as much about how you have been wronged as about how he has been wronged. Setting these priorities will free you to consider Acceptance as an alternative to Cheap Forgiveness.

When You Refuse to Forgive

Those of you who refuse to forgive will balk, “Don’t ask me to waste my time picking through someone else’s garbage. Why should I care why he hurt me or how his parents neglected him? Is it my job to dredge up compassion for someone who has deliberately wronged me, and make excuses for his transgression? To hell with his story.”

This response is understandable. When you view him as a victim, not just as a perpetrator, you risk feeling empathy and compassion for him. Seeing him in one-dimensional terms - as evil, as bad - makes it so much easier to keep your distance, feed off your self-righteous anger, and dismiss him. When you frame him in more complex ways, as a flawed human being struggling to survive his troubled past, you make it more difficult to condemn him.

To those of you who are determined never to forgive, let me ask: If by learning more about the offender you come to feel compassion for him, must you feel compromised? Is there anything dangerous in deepening your understanding of him? You can be softer without feeling weak or foolish or allowing yourself to be stepped on. You can know with certainty that what he did to you was wrong, yet be touched by whatever hardships he has personally endured.

Popularity: 24% [?]

Identifying 5 Anxious Thoughts

When you’re overloaded by anxious thoughts that diminish your confidence in yourself, you tend to see things as more negative than they really are. Before the event, you may make negative predictions about how other people will respond to you, how you will perform, and how events will turn out. After the event, you may make negative evaluations of how you handled it. Certain patterns of anxious thinking are associated with social anxiety. Being aware of these patterns can help you identify them.

1. Perfectionism: Most of us like to do things well, but some people are so focused on doing things perfectly that it causes a great deal of distress. If you are a perfectionist, you may spend much more time on an activity than is warranted, taking time away from more rewarding pursuits. Perfectionism can be particularly troublesome if someone is watching you. You may be so worried about making a mistake that you can’t perform well. The most reliable way to avoid mistakes is not to do anything; many perfectionists become expert procrastinators who accomplish very little. Creative people allow themselves to make mistakes and learn from their mistakes as they go along.

2. All-or-nothing thinking: Related to the problem of perfectionism is all-or-nothing thinking. When you think this way, if a social encounter does not go the way you wanted, you see yourself as a complete failure. A more constructive approach is to see where you have succeeded and consider where you can do even better in the future.

3. Catastrophic thinking: This involves taking a disappointing experience and thinking it into a catastrophe. If you do not get that job offer (close that sale, get that date), you will never have another chance. In reality, most people have to put in a good number of job applications before they receive an offer.

4. Overestimating the danger in a situation: Most of us know people who worried excessively about failing each exam despite their history of getting strong marks in all their courses. Likewise, a socially anxious person may expect social encounters to turn out badly, even though they often turn out well.

5. Underestimating your ability to cope with a difficult situation: You may feed your anxiety by telling yourself that you will not be able to handle the upcoming meeting, work task, or family problem. In reality you are self-defeating yourself by materializing that outcome, with your negative thinking.

Popularity: 22% [?]

Succeeding On Your Own: How To Get Out Of A Slump

“How can I make enough money to support myself, doing just what I love to do?” This is a question often asked by people who are beginning to confront the realities of living their dream. Sit down and visualize yourself living your dream to the hilt.

Ask yourself: What is my predominant need for self-expression? How do I most love to express myself? What part do other people play in the picture? How do others benefit from my living my dream? What are the benefits they would be happy to pay me for?

Then ask: Where have I stopped short of what it takes? What more would I have to do, to be completely successful? Where am I, on a time-line of living my dream from beginning to end? What have I accomplished so far, and what remains that I’m going to have to do?

Finally, ask: Do I want to get out of this slump? What’s stopping me? Write a dialogue between two characters: the person who loves (or at least, has some attachments to) the slump you’re in, and the person who is chomping at the bit to get going. What is the first person avoiding? What makes the second person give in to that argument? Let the two characters each debate their positions until a mediator enters, promising them a million dollars if they can arrive at some resolution of their differences that satisfies the needs of both.

Popularity: 17% [?]

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