Child Communication: 4 Techniques to aid you in listening to your children

Your child is depending on you to be able to listen to them and to really hear them out, even though they may not act like it. Actively listening to your child is extremely crucial if you want clear and open communication to become a regular habit. Although children may often find it difficult to fully express their feelings and what they want to say, there are other methods on how you can effectively listen to your kids.

Many times you can tell that your child wants you to listen to her by expressing it in a non verbal way. Her body language is an excellent barometer of how she feels and whether she needs to be listened to. A sobbing two year old needs someone to be patient and take some time to listen to her. Similarly, a seven year old moping in the corner is sending a very clear message that she needs someone to listen to her.

The following are methods of effectively listening to children:

1. The younger your child is the more you need to observe and “listen” to her gestures and body language. Watch for gestures and facial expressions and then gently ask carefully phrased questions to find out exactly what is wrong. For instance, if your four year old is crying, do not assume that you know what is making her cry. Instead of saying to her “Did that creepy bad spider scared you?” say something like “Are you crying because you are scared?” If she says “yes,” then your next question should be “What was it that scared you?”

If she does not know or having a hard time saying it, then be patient and stay with her until both of you resolve the problem. You might need to ask her fifteen questions before you figure out what is wrong. But if you immediately suggest to her that it was the spider that scared her and it did not, then you have introduced another topic to deal with and may never know what it was that really scared her.

2. Get ready to listen to their fantasy or imaginary friends. Talking through your child, fantasy or imaginary friends can offer you a lot of information and details about your child’s concerns and fears.

3. Listen carefully for statements that imply “my friend.” Sometimes, a child will describe her problem by talking about a friend who has the same problem. In other words, she will tell you exactly how she feels but refer to herself as another imaginary person.

4. Listen carefully and kindly. Do not make any judgments and you will definitely get more out of your child. But you do not have to accept everything that she tells you but be sure to put off the judgment until you hear the whole story. By rushing into judgment, your child will clam up and it will be more difficult for you to help her with her problems in the future.

Popularity: 11% [?]

Control Your Time Better By Eliminating Interruptions

What is an interruption? An interruption is anything that diverts your attention from an activity you have chosen to do to an activity that someone else has purposely or inadvertently chosen for you. Interruptions are normally random and without any consideration for the importance of, or impact on, your time and your personal priorities. Interruptions chew up time and energy.

There are two major categories of interruptions you face daily at home or at the office: telephones and people in person. The telephone rings, and you automatically stop what you are doing to answer it. The doorbell rings, and the same thing happens regardless of the importance of the task at hand. Someone is forcing you to switch gears instantly even though it is not your choice. “I’m not interrupting, am I?” is the typical remark. “Of course not,” you answer politely without an ounce of integrity. Whether people interrupt you in person or on the telephone, they always seem to have something on their minds that just can’t wait.

The time wasted because of an interruption is longer than the time span of the actual interruption. For instance, you are concentrating on writing a report, business plan, or important letter when your concentration is broken by the ringing of your phone. Not only do you lose the time you actually talk on the phone, but it will normally take you several additional minutes to regain your focus and get back up to speed with what you were doing. Switching gears takes time.

The telephone has become the greatest source of interruptions. In fact, it is an electronic instrument designed to interrupt. For some reason you and I were taught to believe that when the telephone rings, all else must be dropped in a race to answer it before it stops ringing. That habit is like having someone follow you around yelling “Freeze” twenty times a day and expecting you to stop in your tracks for three to ten minutes each time. The danger is that old phone habits unnecessarily eat up hours of your valuable time - time that cannot be replaced. Your level of effectiveness in life is determined both by the number of hours you have available to work on specific objectives and by how effectively you use those hours. The more hours that are wasted, the less effective you become.

Answering the phone just because it rings means turning over your time and attention to someone else at a moment’s notice. Obviously, achieving your goals and dreams becomes far more difficult when you are constantly working someone else’s agenda and at someone else’s pace. The fact that a ringing telephone is given priority shows how illogical people have become about the use of the phone.

Popularity: 12% [?]

A Winning Attitude: Empower Your Dreams By Using Affirmations

A winning attitude often takes work to develop. An important part of this work involves forming positive statements about yourself to replace old, negative, self-defeating thoughts. As a baby, you happily went about doing whatever babies do - touching, tasting, exploring, and learning. You were without thoughts about what you could or couldn’t do, so you tried many things. Very soon, an adult undoubtedly intervened, giving you messages like “Good boy!” “What a bright girl!” “No, no - that is bad.” We accepted these statements unquestioningly.

Over time, as we hear such statements repeatedly, we develop beliefs about ourselves, and begin to organize them into a belief system. Various experiences reinforce them and we begin to adapt our behavior to conform to them. If you were repeatedly praised as a bright child, you began to believe you were a bright child. Your young mind worked overtime, coming up with new ways to show how bright you were, and to elicit further praise.

In the process of living in that premise, your experience of yourself as bright broadened and took root. Soon there was no longer any question about it in your mind. You probably still think of yourself as a bright child, unless at some point that belief was challenged and you deliberately reevaluated it.

This is the way beliefs are formed and assimilated. As a child, it was a rather haphazard experience - our beliefs about ourselves depended to a great extent on circumstances and the beliefs of others close to us. As adults, however, we have the power to originate beliefs of our own choice. We can replace negative, limiting beliefs about ourselves with freshly chosen alternatives. We can get rid of beliefs that don’t support us. In fact, to live our dream fully, a new belief system that enables us to be our best is a necessity. Our old beliefs got us this far; new ones will take us into the future of our dream.

To adopt new beliefs, we can now systematically choose affirming statements, then consciously live in them. They will become increasingly true, until we are certain that that’s who we are. So begin by taking a closer look at the way affirmations are formed. An affirmation is a firm, positive sentence designed to convey a message from your conscious to your subconscious mind. It asserts something you know is true, even though it may not have manifested in your life yet. When the subconscious mind receives this message, it goes to work on a subconscious level to align with it and bring it about.

An effective affirmation must always be in first person (I), and the present tense, and must be stated positively, not negatively. So instead of, “I will not catch a cold and be sick tomorrow” (which would focus your mind on the idea of sickness), you could say: “I am radiantly healthy now. My body feels wonderful! I see myself performing beautifully in my dance recital.”

Now you have replaced the negative thought with a positive, colorful image. Since the mind can only hold one thought at a time, the thought of sickness is gone, and your subconscious mind has grabbed hold of the healthy idea and has swung into action creating health.

Popularity: 12% [?]

4 Secrets Of A Sexy Marriage

Sexual desire in every relationship fluctuates between both partners. Some stages are of course predictable. For example, the following times are when sexual moods and patterns of lovemaking may shift: when you first marry, after your child is born, when the kids leave home, or when there is career pressure.

Knowing this, and being confident enough to talk about it, makes intimacy stronger. Those marriages that maintain sexual desire, strong intimacy, heated emotional bonding, and erogenous attraction all take part in the following actions that contribute to the “secret” of their marriage:

1. Sexual marriages do not keep affection inside of the bedroom only. Couples whose sex lives bring them the most happiness tend to eroticize their lives. In other words, they give affection both physically and verbally throughout the day. They do this in different ways. They touch, hug, kiss, and flirt. Whether it’s reassuring or frantically passionate, touch makes the difference between making love and having sex.

2. Married couples who always seem to have passion in their relationship make it a habit to make time for love. Sexy wives know that lovemaking is a habit: The more you do it, the more you like it, and the more you like it, the more you will do it! Lovemaking is a top priority, and if that means that sex has to be scheduled, then so be it. Just because it is planned does not make it any less exciting for these couples. They feel that sexual excitement feeds on itself, so they just do it.

3. These steamy couples also make it a point to talk everyday. Even if it is just ten minutes in the morning and a few more minutes at night, they voice their love for each other continuously. In taking the same behavior patterns from these kinds of couples, your duty is to voice your own love for your spouse in any manner that pleases you. Call each other pet names, remember to always say goodnight or goodbye when you leave. Just be sure that you don’t fall into the mind-reader trap of assuming your partner knows or should know what you are thinking and feeling just “because he loves me.” Those sexy couples in marriages make a point of expressing their feelings and their attraction to each other on a routine basis.

4. Kissing is also at the top of the list of priorities for the passionate couple. We’re not talking about a perfunctory peck on the forehead but rather a deep, sensual, teasing kiss that is given with passion. Many longtime couples rarely kiss at all, going straight to intercourse when they have sex. Don’t you remember the backseat? How about making out in the movie theater? Keep this up, steal a kiss!

Popularity: 8% [?]

3 Tips For Goal-Setting

Before you decide whether a single goal fits into your goals program, you should work that goal through a process that can help determine whether you should be pursuing this goal at the current time. This can take considerable time but it can save you much time and frustration by eliminating goals that are not for you at this time and helping to identify what you need to focus on now.

1. Target in on your goal: Your goal must be specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and timely. Remember: Some goals must be big and some goals must be long-range.

Significant goals must be broken down into smaller parts to ensure daily accountability. For example, if you want to lose 50 pounds this year, you can break that down to a goal of 4 pounds a month or 1 pound a week and then figure out how many calories you need to cut out or burn off to achieve that weekly weight loss.

2. Identify how you benefit from the goal: People often fail to reach their goals because they concentrate on the costs rather than the benefits. “If I lose the weight,” they reason, “I’ll have to give up this and do that.” Or “If I quit smoking, I know that I’ll gain weight and be miserable and difficult to get along with.”

Instead of concentrating on the negatives, think of the benefits that you’re going to enjoy. As you set goals, make a list of the tangible rewards that will be yours when you reach each goal. Each time you begin to ask yourself whether pursuing a goal is worth the effort, simply take out the list of benefits and read them aloud again.

3. List the obstacles that stand between you and your goal: You need to identify obstacles in order to be realistic and avoid being surprised. People have experienced many times that they had no idea that pursuing such-and-such a goal was going to be so demanding, require so much effort, take so long, and involve so many unexpected pitfalls. Careful planning in advance eliminates much of this disappointment, but you must understand that you can’t always see the roadblocks ahead. That’s why commitment, attitude, responsibility, and focus on the benefits remain constant necessities. Patience is also extremely important. Just remember that by keeping yourself focused on the goal, you can see the benefits and not just the obstacles.

Very few people get excited about obstacles. A mammoth traffic jam when you’re in a big hurry or a bad cold just before a long-planned vacation doesn’t create excitement in your life. Disappointments or setbacks of any kind are seldom viewed with enthusiasm. Yet those very difficulties should generate excitement, if for no other reason than that overcoming obstacles makes you strong and enables you to soar to greater heights.

Popularity: 11% [?]

Become Successful By Expecting Success

When you plan and prepare carefully, you can legitimately expect to have success in your efforts. When you recognize and develop the winning qualities that you were born with, the winner you were born to be emerges. Although not all your expectations are going to come to pass, you give yourself an infinitely better chance of succeeding by taking the proper steps. Regardless of your goal - losing weight, making more money, etc. - you can expect to achieve your goal if you plan and prepare for it.

You also need to understand that the path from where you are to where you want to be is not always smooth and straight. The reason for the twists and bumps is simple, and it has nothing to do with you. It has more to do with the fact that not everyone is as interested in your success as you are. Some people may accidentally hinder your efforts; others who are in competition with you and have little or no integrity may try to sabotage your efforts.

Keep in mind, though, that when you hit those roadblocks or even reversals, your character, commitment, and attitude are the determining factors in your success. You need to carefully review your plan of action, seek wise counsel, and be particularly careful to feed your mind good information. An optimistic, positive mind is far more likely to come up with creative solutions than a mind that dwells on setbacks and difficulties.

Popularity: 14% [?]

Do Children Outgrow Shyness?

Many children are shy; though most will overcome their shyness without special help. Even some severely anxious young children get better on their own. We believe that most children grow out of their shyness because they learn through repeated experiences that there is little need to be afraid to speak in front of others, that it is to their advantage to express themselves, and that it is no fun being quiet and alone. Through everyday interactions with peers, teachers, and other adults, their anxiety and fears disappears.

But some children do not grow out of it. If there is a family history of anxiety or depression, the risk is increased. The longer children have problems with social anxiety, the less likely it is they will outgrow it. If your child has had a problem since age 6 and now at age 10 is not any better or is worse, there is a greater chance the problem will persist. If your child is already showing signs of depression and low self-esteem, do not wait to see if he or she will outgrow it.

There is no exact way of knowing whether your child will outgrow shyness. The best thing you can do is to encourage social behaviors in your child. Help your child become socially confident!

Popularity: 9% [?]

Accomplish More By Organizing Your Daily Commute To Work & Making It Count!

What does your morning commute into work look like? How about the trip home? Not a pretty picture, huh? Isn’t it time you revamped how you get from here to there? Don’t use the morning commute for breakfast. Make a point of getting up early enough and doing whatever it takes to have a quiet, well-balanced breakfast before you make the trip to the office. Eating on the run is bad for your digestion, doesn’t set you up for a good day, and besides, you can mess up your clothes or spill coffee all over your car. More stuff to do!

If you drive, make the drive time count. Use it for “self-talk” about your goals for the day. Listen to a tape that’ll help increase your management skills or teach you something. Play an audio book. Carry a small tape recorder with you and record thoughts and ideas to follow up on later.

If all your brain cells aren’t activated first thing in the morning, at least listen to some music that will set you up for a great day. Does your car look like your desk used to look? Are there fast-food wrappers, overdue library books, and papers all over the place? That’s no way to start out your day. Schedule part of this weekend to clean it. Vacuum the inside and wipe down the surfaces that collect dust. Wash it or get it washed if it needs it. Make sure the windows are clean and the wipers work properly. Take the old buggy in for an oil change if you’ve been putting that off.

Put together a commuter survival kit in a sturdy container with a lid. It could include a box of tissues, a simple tool kit, a first aid kit, a flashlight (keep the batteries in a separate plastic bag…they’ll last longer), some flares, and maybe a cellular phone. In cold climates, make sure you have all the necessary implements to handle snow and ice removal, plus extra clothing and a folding pair of rubber boots in case you get stranded. Always carry water. Add another point in the Peace of Mind column.

How about carpooling? If this is a solution that can work for you, use the days you don’t drive to catch up on your reading or as planning time. This works as long as everyone in the car pool has the same goal, otherwise you may end up losing the time socializing. Don’t allow a car pool to make you too tied to a routine, however. You may fall into the trap of allowing it to limit your ability to stick to your organization plan. It may be necessary to beg off of the car pool now and then so you can come in early or stay late. You control your schedule, not the car pool. Use it to help you find more time, but don’t let it rule your time.

If you use public transportation to get to work, get in the habit of using your commuting time to support you in your goals. On the morning commute you may want to listen to a motivational or instructional tape or an audio book. Use travel time for daily planning or to catch up on your reading. If that’s not enough to keep you busy, there’s personal correspondence, catalog shopping, keeping a journal, paying bills, filling out medical insurance claims, or doing a favorite craft if it’s portable enough. Make a list of your personal favorites for your planner/organizer.

Popularity: 14% [?]

8 Qualities Of Happiness

1. Love. This is the wellspring of happiness, renewable and everlasting. We often think that being loved is the best feeling in the world, but it’s the second best. The best is loving someone else. Love is the polar opposite of fear, emotionally and neurologically. Thus, it is the antidote to fear and the first step toward happiness.

2. Optimism. Optimism provides power over painful events. Optimism is realizing that the more painful the event, the more profound the lesson. Once you bring this knowledge into your heart, you can never again look at any event as all bad. Optimism gives you power over fear of the future and over regret for the past.

3. Courage. This is your strongest weapon for overcoming the split-second power of fear. You can’t rise above fear without courage, because fear is hardwired into your neural circuitry. If fear is eternally programmed into your brain, though, so is courage. It comes from the neocortex and is a product of the spirit, the intellect, and the higher emotions of love and generosity. It is nature’s natural balance for the fear that has helped us survive. It’s the quality that allows us to thrive.

4. A sense of freedom. Nothing fills the soul like freedom. Freedom is choice, and choice is what makes us human. When we choose, we define who we are. Everyone has the power to make choices, but unhappy people don’t know they have it. They think it’s only for the rich. It’s not. I’ve met a thousand rich people who didn’t feel free. Choice is available to anyone who has the courage to exercise it.

5. Proactivity. Happy people participate in their own destinies and forge their own happiness. They don’t wait for events or other people to make them happy. They’re not passive victims.

6. Security. Happy people know that nothing, over time, lasts - not money, not approval, not even life itself. So they don’t measure security with a calendar or a calculator. They simply like who they are. They’re not slaves to popularity, longevity, or financial status. They know that security is an inside job.

7. Health. Happiness and health are interdependent. It’s hard to be happy if you don’t feel healthy, and it’s hard to be healthy if you’re not happy. Of special importance for happiness is healthy mood chemistry. You can have a happy life and not even know it if you’re tortured by faulty mood chemistry. An imbalance of the neurotransmitters serotonin and dopamine, for example, can mask the happiness that lies beneath it.

8. Spirituality. Happy people aren’t afraid to go beyond the boundaries of their own lives. They let go, and welcome extraordinary experiences. They have markedly less fear of death. They’re not concerned about dying - they’re concerned about not living.

Popularity: 11% [?]

6 Reasons Why Red Peppers Are Extremely Healthy For You

Red pepper owes its heat and its value in herbal healing to one chemical found in its fruit - capsaicin. Below is a list of it’s many benefits.

1. Digestive aid: Red pepper aids digestion by stimulating the flow of both saliva and stomach secretions. Saliva contains enzymes that begin the breakdown of carbohydrate, while stomach secretions (gastric juices) contain acids and other substances that further digest food.

2. Diarrhea: Like many culinary spices, red pepper has antibacterial properties, possibly explaining traditional claims that it helps relieve infectious diarrhea.

3. Chronic pain: For centuries, herbalists have recommended rubbing red pepper into the skin to treat muscle and joint pains. Medically, this is known as using a counter irritant, a treatment that causes minor superficial pain and distracts the person from the more severe, deeper pain. Several capsaicin counter irritants are available over-the-counter. Recently, however, red pepper has been shown to possess real pain-relieving properties for certain kinds of chronic pain. For reasons still not completely understood, capsaicin interferes with the action of the chemical in the peripheral nerves that sends pain messages to the brain. Several recent studies all showed capsaicin so effective at relieving a particular type of chronic pain.

4. Shingles: Shingles is an adult disease caused by the same virus that causes chicken pox in children. The virus remains dormant in the body until later in life when, for unknown reasons, it reappears in some people as shingles, causing a rash on one side of the body that progresses from red bumps to blisters to crusty pox resembling chicken pox. In otherwise
healthy adults, shingles clears up by itself within three weeks. But some people, typically the elderly or those with other illnesses, particularly Hodgkin’s disease, suffer severe, chronic pain. With the help of capsaicin, they don’t have to suffer as much.

5. Diabetic foot pain: Capsaicin’s pain-relieving ability has also led to its use in treating the severe ankle and foot pain known as burning foot syndrome, which affects approximately half of all diabetics. In one study, 71% of diabetics reported significant relief after four weeks.

6. Cluster Headaches: Capsaicin also helps relieve the pain of cluster headaches, extremely severe pain on one side of the head. In one study, cluster headache sufferers rubbed a capsaicin preparation inside their nostrils and outside their nose. Within five days, 75% reported less pain and fewer headaches. Though they also reported burning nostrils and a runny nose, these side effects subsided within a week.

Red pepper may help cut cholesterol and prevent heart disease. While it is too early to recommend red pepper as a means of lowering cholesterol and treating heart disease, this common kitchen spice may someday have a role to play in these areas.

In food, season to taste, but be careful. A little too much can set the mouth on fire. For an infusion to aid digestion and possibly help reduce risk of heart disease, use1/4 to 1/2 teaspoon per cup of boiling water. Drink it after meals. For external application to help treat pain, mix 1/4 to 1/2 teaspoon per cup of warm vegetable oil and rub it into the affected area.

Popularity: 23% [?]

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